Lucifer one-shots

i feel lonely in the darkness.

Notes/Summary:

Takes places after season 4 finale. 

Lucifer is in Hell and Chloe is alone on Earth.

Enjoy :)

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there are no stars to gaze upon and wonder curiously about the mysteries they hold. there are no flowers or gardens to lay in and smile, enjoying the way the grass feels against your legs. there are no oceans to swim that allow you to feel free as the water takes away your worries. there are no forests to wander that enable you to become lost in deep thought about the secrets of the world. there is no love to comfort you and make you feel whole. there are not even fires to bring light to the lifeless pit we call Hell.

there is only darkness which looms over you, suffocating you, ridding you of anything and everything left of your broken soul. and then there is ash, that falls from the empty nothingness of the sky. the ash is like snow, but for all the wrong reasons. it's not light like you'd expect, it's heavy and cold and sends shivers down your body as it lands on your soft skin, taking away your beauty and replacing it with darkness. just more darkness.

and it's lonely. it's ever so lonely. all the love in your heart is taken from you as if your soul has been ripped in half. there is no happiness.

he didn't want to go back. he knows the horror that place brings and the way in changes who you are. taking away all the good inside you until only the evil remains and you forget who you once were. until you forget what it means to feel whole again.

but for him maybe it's worse than just that. it's not just the pain of hell or the way it tortures your soul just by being there. for him, it's not the suffocating darkness or the godawful ash ruining his suit, that hurts. it's the loneliness that hurts the most. it's the being away from her.

hell forces a man to remember their worst memories. it forces them to replay over and over in their mind the torment they faced. and so now as he sits on his throne, his heart broken in two, his mind replays over and over his loss. over and over in his mind, he sees her face, the tears streaming down her cheeks as she begs him not to go. not to leave her. and no matter how hard he tries, he is forced to remember over and over, what he lost.

and he tells himself over and over again that he couldn't have changed it. he had to go. but he doesn't really believe that. he knows, deep down, they could have fought. they'd done it before, over and over, and seemed that they always came out victorious. they had fought the demons once, why could they not again? when Uriel threatened Chloe, he had been dealt with, so why could it not be done again?

and he knew in his heart that it wasn't the demons that made him have to leave. it wasn't the threat that they had posed. no. he hated this place and the despair that comes with it. he hated this place and the way it broke you, bit by bit until you couldn't recognise the monster you saw in the mirror. the monster you truly are.

and he left for her.

he left to protect her.

from himself.

he knows that he is poison to anyone who dares to care about him. he knows he ruins everything. he knows he hurts others constantly with his reckless and immature behaviour. he tormented souls for an eternity. and he knows he enjoyed it. he killed a human. and he knows he liked it. and he knows what that says about him.

he knows he is a monster.

he knows that he is evil.

at least that's what he tells himself. every single day.

and so here he sits at rock bottom, high upon his obsidian throne waiting for his mind to forget, but his broken heart forbids him to do so.

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it's cold despite the fact that the air is warm and the duvet is thick and cosy. it's cold despite the sweat running down her back evaporating quickly into hot steam. it's cold inside of her. it's cold because he isn't there to warm her heart and fill the devastatingly empty bed she lies in. it's cold because she's hurting. it's ever so cold.

and it's lonely. even downstairs in the club with the blasting music and crowds of drunken people. it's lonely even with Maze and Linda, chugging various drinks to wash away the pain. it's lonely because he's not there and now it feels like part of her will never be whole again.

and she feels empty. like the only thing inside of her is a deep, dark pit of nothingness. part of her is missing, it went down there with him. the love, the happiness. it's just gone.

and it hurts. the nothingness hurts. the empty feeling left in her gut, in her heart, it hurts. it's like a black hole is sucking all the life out of her, taking away her soul until she can no longer remember what it's like to feel normal. what it's like to feel whole.

and so she wonders. if she can feel so broken here on this neutral ground, what must he feel down in the darkness of Hell? and so she cries, and she cries, remembering the look on his face as he left. and said his last goodbye.

and so she sits, in the darkness of the brightly lit room waiting for him to come home. her drunken mind trying to forget her pain but her broken heart forbids her to do so.