Anxiety
What is Anxiety? What does anxiety feel like? People assume it is an uneasy feeling that won't go away. A feeling. But, Anxiety isn't just a feeling.
So what is anxiety?
Anxiety is your closest friend and worst enemy in the same person. It's that person by your side every minute of every day. Spitting venom in your ear. Telling you every possible outcome for every situation. She'll notice when someone is walking behind you. Tell you that they're following you. That they want you. You'll try to tell her that she's wrong. They're just walking behind you. But, Anxiety's louder.
She'll hear their laugh echo in your ears as you pass them. She'll tell you that they're laughing at you. The way you walk. The way you dress. They're laughing at you. And, just when you're believing her, she'll smile and tell you you're crazy. They're just talking on the phone.
Anxiety questions everything everyone says to you. Every implication of every word. Every action. She questions everything. So when you walk past your boss and they don't make eye contact with you, she tells you that you're getting fired. That they hate you. That they don't want you. But then, she'll say that they were just busy and didn't notice you walk by.
Anxiety reminds you of every mistake you've ever made. She reminds you of every time you've been embarrassed. Like remember that one time four years ago when you got your period and left a bloodstain on the public bus seat? Oh you forgot? Well, anxiety didn't.She's got your back.
Anxiety warns you. She never lets you forget the danger that lies behind every decision. She warns you about every girl that's gone missing in your area before you leave the house. She reminds you of every death caused by car accidents every time you sit behind the steering wheel.She'll see new freckles on your arm and tell you all the different types of cancer it could be.
Anxiety questions everything you do. After being twenty minutes deep into the busiest mall she'll ask you if you remembered to lock the car. You'll reassure her you have multiple times but she won't stop asking until you go out and check. She'll ask you every five minutes where your phone is. Did you put your keys down on the shelf? No? Are you sure? Is this even your bag? Did you brush your teeth before you left?
You see, anxiety isn't just a feeling. Anxiety is a constant presence, always there.
Never letting you forget... never letting you let go.
