Habits

Moving Backwards

"I need nothing so get away from me!"

"Sweeney, you need to realize this... you have to accept our help!" James said calmly.

"I don't need your damn help!" Sweeney yelled refusing to calm down.

He glared at them, and suddenly his mind went fuzzy.  His vision began to blur and he felt faint.  He heard voices talking to him but they were muffled and distorted.  He felt something soft underneath him before everything around him disappeared.

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Nellie walked into the house to see Johanna, James, and Toby huddled together in the living room.  Moving forward she looked over Toby's shoulder to see Sweeney passed out on the settee.

"What the bloody hell 'happened here?" She asked.

Toby jumped in surprise before turning and facing her, "Mr. Todd passed out.  He was drunk and somethin' happened to 'im, not sure what."

"Is he alright?"

Nellie was worried but she tried to hide it.  They hadn't forgiven each other and she wasn't making the first move again.  Sweeney was going to have to take this into his own hands.  He was the one who'd started it.  He was the one putting Toby in danger.  He was the one being a bastard.  For once she was starting to trust him and then get lashed out.  This was his problem not hers.

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Sweeney awoke, hung over.  His head stung and he felt like throwing up.  It was dark but he could just make out a shadow of someone who sat in front of him.  The house was silent so the sound of rain pouring outside was loud and yet calming.  Sweeney sat up quietly, his eyes never leaving the person sitting next to him.

"Than god your awake..." The person sighed, moving closer to him.

"Johanna?" Sweeney was surprised to see his daughter home, and with him.

"We need to talk." She replied firmly, very different from her previous soft tone.

"I believe we do..."

"Why would you kill your own brother?  I know he was never good to you but he was a good man!"

"That's where your wrong Johanna.  He's not a good man.  He did horrible things.  Things that make me want to see him suffer more than he did."

"And what did he do that deserved his death as punishment!"

"He hurt Nellue! Raped her! Let it go on for months and threatened her! Kept her isolated because she feared her life! Feared my life! Feared Toby's life? She will forever be haunted by what that man did to her and I'm to blame! I could have pushed! Figured out and ended it sooner!" Sweeney went quiet.

Johanna was still, she didn't know this.  But he didn't deserve to die, did he? No. He was a man, a good man...

Stop trying to defend him! She thought.

How could he do such a thing and expect to get away with it? And yet he was always so kind to her. Wait. Would she have been next? Would he have moved to her the second he got bored of Nellie? The thought of it made her shiver.

"Why would he---" Johanna started.

Sweeney cut her off, "He was lonely, or wanted or hurt someone when he found he couldn't hurt me.  So the disgusting bastard chose a woman.  Now do you understand? Imagine if he decided he didn't want Nellie anymore.  Imagine who he would go to next.  Imagine going through what Nell went through and then tell me he should have lived."

"Is this his you pictured all those other men you've killed? As filth? As bastards? You killed so many innocent men just because of your view on them?"

"No man is innocent, not me, not Cornelius, not my father, not even Toby.  No matter how kind a person seems on the outside they all deserve to die." Sweeney responded calmly.

"So you believe you should die? That your own father should die?"

"I believe we all should die not just men.  After my time in prison I've seen what people truly are.  They're all shit.  Everyone hides their true self, no one acts as they truly are.  I know you still fear being taken again, I know you have nightmares about Turpin, and yet you hide it all."

"Well then what are you hiding?" Johanna asked. "If everyone hides things what's behind your walls?"

"I don't hide my demons, they represent me.  No matter what I'll always be a killer whether I hurt anyone to not."

"I can tell you're hiding something from me.  What?" She urged.

"I told you, I don't hide anything."

Sweeney was hiding something.  Something he hid from everyone and only one person had ever seen this part of him.  He his his sensitive side, his emotions, his live.  He appeared strong but past him walls and armor Sweeney Todd had a heart.  Not much of one, every time he fought, or killed his walls grew stronger but it was there.  Yet he pushed it down, growing colder and colder and feeling stronger.

Something was always pounding on his walls trying to break them, but it never worked.  His demons were always trying to protect him from tgr outside world that was so cruel to him.  Benjamin Barker was now only a speck in his world, he meant nothing to Sweeney anymore and he never would.

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Nellie sat in the dark listening closely to the conversation happening in the living room.

"He hurt Nellue! Raped her! Let it go on for months and threatened her! Kept her isolated because she feared her life! Feared my life! Feared Toby's life? She will forever be haunted by what that man did to her and I'm to blame! I could have pushed! Figured out and ended it sooner!"

Everything went quiet except for the sound of rain hitting the roof.  Nellie stood, wanting so badly out from where she his and comfort Sweeney but knew it was best not to.  She shuffled back to her room still pondering Sweeney's words.  He blamed himself for it all.  Was it his fault? From the walls in her room she heard Johanna speak, "I can tell your hiding something from me. What?"

She listened carefully for Sweeney's response but was unable to make out what he'd said.  What would he hide from his daughter? It was all quiet, she closed her eyes guessing the conversation between Sweeney and Johanna was over.  The door to the room opened and she heard footsteps heading towards her.  She opened her eyes just barely to see Sweeney standing in front of her.  He reached out his hand for her shoulder but quietly sighed before his hand made contact.  He pulled his half back and left the room without a word.

A/N: I like this chapter, I feel that both Nellie and Sweeney feel guilty but are too stubborn to admit they're wrong.  I like the way I ended it with the problem almost solved but for Sweeney to give up before ending the fight.  Anyway I really hope you liked this chapter! It will be a while before I update because I have family coming for Thanksgiving but I'll try and get a long chapter in by the end of my break.  So in a week.  Hope you have a great week! 😊