// Sempiternal //

// We Are Timeless //

He told me one he wanted to go back in time.
To go back in time and change it all. Change the pain, change the way things happened or how it turned out. Change how life would be for me. How life would be for him. For us.
He wanted to fix the hurt. He wanted to take back the mistreatment. He wanted to leave behind the agony. He wanted to feel normal. He wanted a normal life, a normal childhood. He wanted to give me the same.
But I don't want that. And I hope now he agrees with me.
I don't want to change the list of events. I don't want to change my past or his past or our past. I don't want to change how things happened. I don't want a better childhood, a better once before.
That was all then. I can't bear knowing we may not have ever met if my past was polished, refined, and empty. I can't bear knowing he wouldn't be the same person if his was resolved, perfected, cleaned. I can't see the look in his eyes if we ever met again, further down the road, and not recognizing his stare. I can't think about the vacancy in my eyes, the uncaring passerby that was once him. Pushing past me like I was no one, because I would have been had he changed it all.
It's likely we would have never even crossed paths. We never would have first met, talked on the bus, became a weird friendship, then to complete lovers. We wouldn't have kissed, stared deeply into the others eyes, showered together, adventured, laughed, and held hands, loved. I would have become nothing to him. He would have become nothing to me.
I would live my shitty past life a million times if it always meant I ended up here. Right here. On a bare carpet floor with all of our memories surrounding us. Our own dishes, and laptops and bedsheets and soaps. I would live a life of solitude, a different life. A life I never want to know.
He's all I know, and I can't bear knowing anything else.