Tear You Apart

Disarmed

"You wanna talk about it?" His back was to me, obviously on the hunt for breakfast.

Not bothering to answer, I ran a shaking hand through my tangled hair and walked briskly to the bathroom. Flicking the light on and rushing in front of the sink, I gripped the white porcelain until my knuckles throbbed as I stared into the mirror.

Common sense told me it was only a dream that I'd bled on myself and yet something in me compelled me to look myself over anyway. The same angry yet lifeless blue eyes stared back at me, nestled between sleep-crusted eyelids. My face was pale, and my lips cracked and dry. My tongue flicked out to wet them, only helping momentarily. What was I looking for? Whatever it was, I didn't find it and I turned away with a burst of frustration.

My heartbeat was still in my throat, but I forced a slow breath in through my mouth and out through my nostrils.

The silky voice in my head chuckled at my pain before settling somewhere deep in my brain.

Dad yelled what I assumed was a goodbye before I heard the front door shut, the force of the action vibrating through the house. I could've told that man exactly what was going on, but it wouldn't matter. An addict can't help an addict.

I snorted at the prospect but sighed as I left the bathroom. I needed to get ready for school.

**

"Hey girl missed you yesterday what happened?" I knew the question was coming and yet I was still unprepared to answer it. I felt so unlike myself. It had been months since I'd been this poignant and deranged. Was I getting worse?

"Oh uh, long story." It wasn't technically a lie. I avoided her gaze, but I could feel it boring holes into me.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" She interrogated. I could hear the suspicion in her musical voice. A cold sweat broke out along my forehead and images from my dream flashed through my mind at hyper speed. I could feel my pulse quicken.

"Listen, I saw you with my brother. Are you guys like, a thing? I'm not mad but I'd like you to be upfront with me," Immediately, my thoughts stopped. That is what she thought it was about? I couldn't stop the laugh from pouring from between my lips.

"What?" I giggled as I looked her in the face. Her brow was knitted but her eyes were kind.

"I'm being serious. I mean, I don't know how you did it because Judd is like, a serial killer in the making but I just want you to be honest with me. He's my brother after all."

"We just smoked a joint," I chuckled. Of course, she thought that was what I was hiding. Although now that we were broaching the subject, my interest piqued, momentarily distracting me from the fact I was about two seconds away from falling to pieces.

"So, you don't like him or anything?" She was watching me like a hawk. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact we were having this conversation.

"Yes Leah, I have the biggest crush on him. I've been secretly in love with your brother all this time and I've been using you to get to him," I joked before continuing. "I don't even know your brother. I mean, he's attractive but Devika Black doesn't do 'feelings' in case you haven't noticed," I was brutally honest and immediately she started squirming uncomfortably before answering.

"Alright well good. Because I wanted to ask you to be my plus one for my aunt's wedding next week and I didn't want it to be awkward." The air between us was suddenly thick as she fumbled with her reply and played with a strand of loose blonde hair.

"Sure, although I'd totally bone him though given the chance," I winked, and her face immediately scrunched up in disgust.

"Okay ew, too much information," immediately the tension was lifted, leaving the mood lighthearted.