Coping with his death knowing I did nothing about it when he was alive. Didn't report him, Didn't tell anyone I stayed in silence! Coping with sexual harrasement for 6 years and going to school trying to play it cool when nothing was ever the way i made it seem. In the 7th grade things started to get more and more extreme, Whenever I heard someone talk about rape or sexual abuse.
I would go completely blanked in a gaze for long periods. Family Life was one of my classes i hated the most. Mainly, because all they ever talked about in that class was sex, pregnancy, disease, periods etc. Which I clearly didn't like because of what I went through. I always said as a child the only thing that'll complete me probably would be to have a happy family with healthy kids when i'm older.
When I was in the 9th grade, I decided to start dating again thinking I would find someone who would of taken good care of me. So, I decided to date boys thinking oh life is going to be much easier. I had tons of crushes on boys but I was unsure about all of them because all they wanted was one thing and I wasn't into that. So I finally said to myself Okay I won't look for any guys soon or later the right one will come and i'll be happy.
Unfortunately I got hooked up with the wrong guys and fell in love. I was young and didn't know how it felt to be in love. But I wasn't about to let someone else come and ruin my life ANY MORE! The guys I was with either did drugs, drank lots of alcohol or some other crap! I got fed up and couldn't take it and left. Because I wasn't putting my life on line for anyone ever in life AGAIN!
The type of guys I had were really bad guys who also threathen to kill me if I left. I didn't care anyway because when I was younger after my uncle died, I never wanted to live anymore so I never cared. I still left the relationship regardless of the threats they made. I tried to move on but life wasn't the same, No matter how hard I tried to smile and to play cool nothing worked.
I was a troublesome child throughout my school years. Teachers, Students everyone hated me because of my behaviour towards them, But guess what? I still didn't care! I got in trouble with teachers all the time, I got in fights with students, The principal, Basically everyone! It came to a point in junior school when the principal wanted to kick me out of the school because of my stink behaviour. But when he gave me another chance, I decided it was time to change my behaviour and try to focus on my school work.
I stayed focus for about a year until I went right back to square one. I stopped doing homework again, Didn't complete class work, Started skipping classes, Stopped bringing p.e clothes to change. I did that mainly because without p.e clothes you couldn't participate and without completed homework that landed you outside, Which I loved.
Junior school was finally coming to an end and graduation was near. I was afraid thinking I wasn't going to graduate because of my class scores, exam scores, and participation in classes which was added along with the GPA. One day the principal called all 9th graders in the front of the school to call of the list of children who were graduating. I grew very surprised to hear my name! I was so excited and I asked myself this question. ''If I didn't do anything all my years in junior school,
What if I did do something?'' Interesting question! Maybe if I had tried my best I would have been in the girl shoes who got the 4.0 GPA. Some of the girls were actually jealous of her but I didn't care once I was going to walk up and collect my diploma. I must say she did excellent and I was very proud of her, Everyone could do it if they tried.
Graduation was in a month, I prepared myself by pressing my skirts, shirts, purchasing new shoes and I bought some hair acessories. I looked the sharpest at my graduation, I was proud and excited. The girl who did nothing is going up for a diploma. When my name was called up on stage to collect my diploma everyone took pictures and shouted GO, GO, GO, GO OP GO! I felt like heaven that made me feel great.
After graduation I was excited. I had 3 months to have fun and I was about to be a freshman in Senior School.
