kiss me | billie eilish

13 - broken & brandon

~Billie's POV~

Hot tears burn my cheeks, my throat is stinging and raw. Suddenly, in he walks. Brandon. 

"Get out!" I scream, though it comes out barely a whisper. "Billie, are you okay?" He asks, placing his hand on my thigh. "I said, get out!" I yell in his face, pushing him off of me and looking back down at my phone.

 As I hear him walk off and close the door I notice something strange on Lylah's Instagram, or should I say not on Lylah's Instagram at all.

'User Not Found' her profile reads. "No..." I say under my breath. She blocked me. She'll refuse to talk to me. All because I was stupid, fucking stupid. A loud sob escapes my lungs, my head falls into my hands and my body begins shaking as I cry, and cry, and cry.

"G-good job Billie-" I tell myself, "You've really messed it up this time." I lay crying in this random  greenroom, for what feels like hours when there's a knock at the door. "Billie, we're leaving, you gotta come out." Finneas says tiredly, I realise it's 4:00AM. I get up from the couch I'm sitting on and walk over to open the door. As I do, Finneas' face drops. "What's happened to you?"

~

I lay crying in Finneas' arms after I finish telling him everything on the tour bus. "Billie.." He starts, almost sounding nervous. "Why would you do that to her?" He looks me in the eyes, genuine. I feel a bubble of guilt and shame rise up in me before I spit out, "I was bored!" 

Finneas lets go of me, stands up, and looks at me with his mouth wide open. "Billie.. I love you, but I can't fucking believe what you've done to Lylah." He says, sternly, though once he's finished he's rubbing his eyes and basically falling asleep in front of me. "Sleep." I say, and with that he walked to the bunks.

"I love you too-" I say just loud enough for him to hear, before I pull out my phone to check if I can reach Lylah any other way. I know I sound desperate, I am desperate. I need Lylah. What have I done? My only other friends back at home in LA are Isaac and Elijah. (I also have Scarlett, but I think talking to her would fuck things up even more.) Anyways, Isaac and Elijah are my core fam. We met at the funeral for a mutual friend and have been besties ever since.

trio

Billie: guys i need to talk

Isaac: To Lylah?

Billie: you know don't you

Elijah: Yeah Billie, but we're here for you too.

Elijah: So do you wanna talk to Lylah?

Billie: please

Billie: i really do

Isaac: She's actually with us now, and she's weirdly okay.

Elijah: It's strange.

Elijah: Though you know her best, maybe you'll be able to tell.

Billie: let me see her

~Incoming FaceTime from Elijah~

"Heyyy!" Elijah yells, passing the phone to Isaac. "Wassup!" Isaac laughs, before walking over to what I'm guessing is the spare room, going by the direction he was walking. He knocks on the door before saying, "Hey Lyls, Billie wants to talk to you." Lylah opens the door. She's smiling, but I can see in her eyes she's still hurt.

~Lylah's POV~

"Billie." I say, taking the phone off Isaac, walking back into the room and shutting the door behind me. "Lylah." Billie says sternly. Billie's facial expression changes when I don't say anything. "I miss you." Billie says, not looking at the camera.

My heart starts to beat faster and I clench my jaw. A feeling of hurt and confusion rushes through my veins. "Why'd you do this to me?" I ask, feeling a mix of anger and sadness. "I don't know." She says, looking down. This is when something clicks. 

A feeling of anger rises in me. "I love you so much!" I yell, a confused look crosses her face. "But Billie-" I start, "I don't think we're good for each other." I spit out before quickly going onto say, "I think we should have some time apart." These words rush out of my mouth, my heart aches.

"Like a break?" Billie suggests, her eyes glossing over. "A break." I repeat. I smile as a tear falls from my eye, though I quickly wipe it away before waving and hanging up. You're okay Lylah. It's okay.

~Billie's POV~

A tear falls from Lylah's eye as she quickly hangs up the call. I knew she was hurting. I knew it. I suddenly realise what she said. A break. I'm not with her anymore. The sadness flows like a river, cold and unending. It washes all the goodness out of me and leaves me broken. Stuck on tour, broken. Waves of helplessness and anxiety hit me and catch me unprepared. 

These feelings must of been silently building up and gaining momentum while I was recalling the string of deathly events. "Can't breathe!" I gasp in panic as the receding waves drag me into the sea of abysmal darkness. I flail my arms around frantically, desperate for someone, something, anything  to cling on to. 

"Billie?" Finneas runs up to me, "Are you okay?" I run into his arms and cry on his shoulder. Regret washes over me like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. I hurt her. How I longed to go back and take a different path, to erase what I had done, but that was now impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. "I can't believe what I've done Finneas." I cry, my body shaking. "I can't believe what I've done."

A/N

woah this chapter is dramaticccc i'm sorry :))) i have good intentions istg just wait. anyways i used descriptionari.com for a lot of this chapter because i was really stuck especially towards the end but i really hope you are enjoying this story so far, even if you hate what's happening lol. thanks for 1000+ reads! stay hydrated ya'll