falling for the bad boy

the final page part one

"15 years later and you're still this obsessed." 

"Yeah, if Vinick ever goes missing, the cops are gonna come looking for him in your basement."

 "Totally, he's Ted's pit guy. "

"How dare you? And what is that?"

 "A pit guy is someone you've been obsessed with for so long... that it's driven you crazy enough to throw them in a pit in your basement like in The Silence of the Lambs. "

"I'm not gonna Silence of the Lambs him. At most, I'd Revenge of the Nerds him. Though I don't see a scenario where he agrees to play me in a pentathlon."

 "Yeah, I'm with Ted-- there is no one I hate enough to throw into a pit. "

"What?"

When my most hated coworker Kasey started dating Barney, I became obsessed. 

"Kacey, Kacey goes in your pit. "

"Guys, I told you, I am done obsessing about Patrice. Just drop her."

 "Drop her in a pit. "

"We all have people that we would throw in our pits, and I'm sure we all have people who would like to throw us in their pits. "

"Yeah, if Marshall or I ever go missing, I'll tell you whose basement to look in. Daryl LaCourte."

{later on}

"Ah, Mosby, it's my favourite time of year. "

"Didn't know you liked Christmas so much."

 "No, year-end reviews. We get to fire some people. Get into the spirit." 

"Look, Carter, you might enjoy firing people for petty personal differences. I'd hardly call giving me gonorrhoea a petty personal difference. But I am a professional, and I would never fire someone for unprofessional reasons. "

"Well, somebody's got to go." 

 Kids, the thing about pit people, sometimes you don't even know you have one until you have a chance to push 'em in.

{later}

"hey theo"

"Not happening, bro."

 "Not happening, bro." 

"Hand get tired? "

"Not happening, bro."

 "I hold in my hand the RSVP from Professor Vinick. "

"Uh-huh. Ah, he's checked "Will not attend," which is fine, because all I needed to know was that he knows. So now I will throw this in the trash and never look at it. What's this? "I believe you've sent this to the wrong person. I have no idea who Ted Mosby is." Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, you'll remember who I am, Professor Vinick. You'll never forget it. "

"Not happening, bro. "

"Ted, just because we're coming with you to Wesleyan does not mean that we condone your behaviour. "

"Just using it as an excuse to see the old campus... and maybe watch you have a complete mental breakdown."

"I and carter will come with you," barney says

if you didn't know carter was barneys younger sister who was my best friend in college

{later on}

 "How would you rate your performance in the last six months? "

"Well, I don't like to talk about myself, but all my coworkers deserve an A-double-plus, that's for suresies. Ooh, fancy lotion. It puts the lotion in the basket. It's just, this is a really nice lotion. And what a pretty basket, Robin."

 "I know, that's why I bought it, Kacey!"

{ later on barneys pov}

i sit in the car and pull a ring out 

Oh, my God! Barney! "

"You unjinxed me! I'm free! If the bison on the nickel could hear you talk about them, they would diminish their population even further on purpose. If Lily wants a big wiener in her mouth, she's got my number. And I'm sorry that you took the rap for all the farting on the car ride up here. That was me!"

"The ring! What's, what's, what's the ring?"

 Right, the ring. I'm gonna ask Kasey to marry me. 

 Are you serious? 

"Jinx! Good! I need to say some things without you interrupting. Yes, I am serious. I know that if you could talk, you'd say that I'm crazy or that I'm overcorrecting or that I'm moving too fast. But you would be wrong. Look, I have banged my way through every bimbo in the tri-state area, and it left me feeling nothing but, but broken. But now, with Kasey, for the first time in my life, I feel settled and happy. I want to feel this way forever. So tomorrow night on the roof of the empire state building-- that's Kacey's favourite spot-- I'm gonna ask her to marry me. Ah, poot-tu-tat! You're jinxed. I'll unjinx you if you'll follow these two rules: one: you can't try to talk me out of it, and two: you can't tell anybody. Agreed? It's a jinx swear, so if you break it, I get to hit you in the nuts three times with a Wiffle ball bat. Thank you... Ted."