falling for the bad boy

Theo 101 part one

(Theos POV)

I sit in the bar with Linus and lily and I stare at my drink

"Boyfriend. Barney Stinson is my boyfriend. I've said it, like, a hundred times it still sounds weird to say."I say

"Well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl."Linus says

"But other than that, things are good?" lily asks

"Bowl. Bowl. "Linus says

"I don't know. I think Barney's been single for too long. "I say

"Bowl."Linus says

"Like, the other night, I wake up at 4:00 a.m "

"Bowl."

•Flashback•

"Barney, are you awake? Barney?"

He tries to escape by the window.

"Barney. This is not a one-night stand. We're dating. Come back to bed. "

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Bowl. "

"That's happened three times. "

"Bowl."

"And it's not just that, it's other things. "

**FLASHBACK**

Barney enters into to apartment and sees theo crying.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"It was just one thing after another at work today, and then...I found out about my aunt's in the hospital. I'm just, I'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's just... "I say in tears

"Shh, shh, shh. What you need to do is talk through this stuff. "

"Oh, thanks. "

"And then, once you're off the phone with Lily, I'll be down in the bar ready to have s*x. Mm-kay?"

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Bowl. "

"Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but... a little more effort would be nice."

"Bowl. Bowl. "

"I understand. "

"Bowl."

"I guess, in a lot of ways, Barney doesn't stack up. "

"Bowl. Bowl."

"I mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends. "

"Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. "

"No, that's not it. "

"Bowl."

"I don't know."

"Bowl"

"Maybe he just doesn't have it in him."

"Bowl. Bowl."

"Maybe is the whole thing's a big mistake. "

"Bowl?"

(Linus pov)

I sit in the bar a couple of days later with barney

"She really said that?" Barney asks

"And she meant it. Trust me. I dated Theo all through college-- if you don't want to lose her, you gotta try a little harder. Be more attentive to where she is emotional. You know, just be present. "I say

"Yes, totally. Yeah. The only thing and this is just me--"

"Mm-hmm."

"I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Theos's purse. Stinson out!"

(Theo's pov)

"He's cheating on me. "I say

"What?!"

"Why else would he buy me flowers? He's gettin' some on the side. "

"Oh, come on, theo". Barney's not the type of guy who would... Go on."

"Plus, he keeps saying he's working late. But when I call his office, they say he left hours ago. "

"Well, that doesn't prove anything. "

"Yes. Proof. Go word. I'm glad you brought that up. Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning"

"And what do you plan on doing with it?"

"We, we-- you and I-- are going to open it up and look for evidence. Linus probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere."

"No! Stop! Stop! Eye contact. Listen to me. Theodora Everly Mosby is many things: friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch."