Reintegration program - Elmax

Chapter 49 : No hope

- Hey Grumpy, mumbled Jane.

- Hey, how are you?

- Dying.

- What's wrong?

- She is killing me, told Jane.

- Who? Joyce?

- Yes! I don't need much, just one drink and one pill, that's all! But she prefers me to suffer instead!

Max understood quickly what the problem was. When Billy was forced to try to stop taking alcohol or drugs, he was always trying to look pity and to make them feel guilty.

- You could get some for me? You just need to sneak in the kitchen and to take a bottle, that's all! continued Jane.

- I won't do that, answered Max.

- Come on! That's all I'm asking!

- I won't Jane! This is for you, you can't keep going like that!

- Fuck off! You're like the others, useless piece of shit!

- Yeah and then what!? You're gonna punch me like you did with Joyce!?

- She got on my nerves!

- God, Jane! This is so wrong! She is helping you!

- No, she is not! I'm feeling bad, it don't help me! stated angrily the ex-prisoner.

- This is normal! stated firmly the redhead. You just need to resist and be strong!

Jane clenched her jaw and looked away. Max didn't know what to tell her to make her feel better, she never tried with Billy but with Jane, it was different, the feelings were not the same.

- I'm still glad to see that you're ok, said shyly Max. I looked for you all Winter but I never found you until today.

- Why? grumbled Jane.

- Why what?

- Why you looked for me!?

- You really thought you could kiss me the way you did and got rid of me like that!?

Jane slowly turned her head to her with a frown while Max had a small smile.

- What you mean?

- I mean, I don't know...I broke up with Dan—

- Great, he is an asshole.

- Yeah, indeed. But, then, I wanted to talk to you...

- About?

- Damn Jane, I would really appreciate if you could understand what I mean!

- My head hurt as fuck! I'm keeping me awake to listen to you! stated Jane with an upset tone.

- Ok! Calm down! told Max. It's just, I wanted to know if you were ready to be...in a relationship...

- Uh...with you?

- No with Bev! said with irony the redhead. Of course with me! But, you don't have to answer, I mean, for now you should focus on your recovery, ok?

- Ok.

- Good, I just wanted you to know, smiled Max. So, where were you?

- You don't need to know.

- Ok...I wasn't expecting you to answer anyway...

- Why you asked then!? replied sharply Jane.

- I wanted to try, shrugged the redhead. I'm gonna leave, but, I can come back, if you want, you just need to tell Joyce, she has my number, ok?

- Yeah, yeah.

Max smiled, Jane's mood was awful but she had always been like that so she wasn't surprised. She gave a small caress on her cheek as a goodbye before standing and walking outside the bathroom. When she closed the door, she had the surprise to see Joyce with a big smile and Will with an angry face.

- You listened, right? told Max.

- Yeah! You're kidding!? You broke up with Dan for her!? said angrily Will.

- I do what I want, this is not your business.

Will clenched his jaw and closed his fists before going to his room and slamming the door. Joyce invited Max to follow her to the kitchen to talk more privately.

- It's great you told her your feelings about her, (Max rolls her eyes) I don't care what happened between you and her, but you showed her that you are on her side, that, you're here for her, it is really important for her recovery. And you give her time to think about it, you did right, you didn't rush her, now she can think about something else than her dark thoughts.

- Yeah...I'm still wondering where she was!

- In the South, doing the best she could, that's all you need to know, sadly smiled Joyce.

- (nods) Is your eye ok?

- Yeah, yeah, don't worry, it's nothing, I'm fine, the sickness punched me, not Jane.

- Ok. I'm glad she is with you, you know what to do and, at least, I'm sure it's safe here, said Max. And, if you need a hand, you just need to ask, we will all come!

- Thank you, I appreciate.

Max nodded with a smile. She didn't stay more and left the house. Joyce went back to the bathroom and sat next to Jane who was looking in the void.

- Are you ok? asked softly the mother.

Jane hardly shrugged because of the pain.

- It can't be good, mumbled the young girl.

- What?

- Max, what she told me, it can't be good.

- Why not?

- Because, it's like that! We're not the same! She is not like me! She is not garbage, she is smart, she has a future! I'm just a burden for her!

- Jane, began softly Joyce, just because the society decided it was what you are doesn't mean you have to be like that. I know you're smart, I know you're not a burden, you're full of qualities!

- Oh yeah!? I would like to know which ones!

- First, you're loyal, you stayed with Melissa even after jail, you were still with her, then, you're strong, because even if you think I'm doing this to make you suffer, you're still here, fighting, you're smart because you know I'm doing this for you and not against you.

- It doesn't mean I have a future...stated Jane with tears in her eyes.

- You don't see anything for you?

- No...except death or jail...it's all dark for me...it's like, no matter what, I can't make it...I don't know what to do...I'm so tired...

The mother looked inside the wet eyes and saw desperation inside. She placed her hand on the other girl's back and brought her closer to hug her. Jane lightly sobbed on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her waist.

- We will go step by step, ok? You'll feel better, I'm not letting you down, ok? You can count on me, affirmed Joyce.

The mother tightened the hug, rubbing her shoulder and her cheek, trying to comfort her to best she could. She wondered how a young girl could finish like that, with no hope.