I finally looked like I have my life together. I hated myself right now. I have all these people, CHILDREN looking up to me and all I do is pretend that I'm happy but that's the furthest lie away from the truth.
It was finally time to leave, I grabbed my phone, Juul and a little tiny baggie and shoved it into my clutch and hoped into the SUV. I had no idea what to expect when I show up. I know there will be a bunch of artists but I heard a lot of YouTubers saying that they were on their way to the awards. I decided to check my Instagram to see who else was on their way and I seen...
Sam Golbach
Yes, we are still friends but all he does is talk about what is coming up for him and Colby. Then when he would ask me, I would just make up a random thing so I don't sound like I'm still hooked on Colby and I's break up. shut off my phone and looked up and could see the paparazzi lined up as other celebs were getting out of their cars and walking on the red carpet. It was finally my time to go down the carpet. I got out of the car and started walking waving to fans and signing autographs on pictures, phone cases, shirts and etc. Once I got to the paps I stopped at the part that this rude lady put me at to pose first, I did a couple of smiles and poses and then moved on to the next part. Interviews with news/talk shows. Just getting the regular questions of what I'm up to, am I expecting to get an award tonight, do I have any new music coming out and etc...
When I was done the carpet, I walked into the venue of the award show, I started talking to Billie. My best-friend in this music industry. We just get each other so well and can understand why we are they way we are. This lady came up to us and asked us if we knew where we were sitting and we just responded with "I don't know, no one told us." She then took us to our seats, where she was sitting in the row right in front of me. Then when I looked over I seen the whole trap house sitting right behind Billie with a seat in-between Devyn and Kat and I wasn't complaining! It could've been A LOT worse.
"Y/n! How are you! You look amazing! I miss you so much!" Kat says and she hugs me and then I feel Devyn hug me, so that we are doing a group hug. I'm not going to lie I missed them so much! We haven't hung out since Colby and I broke up. We seen the lights go down and we took our seats. As I'm watching the intro to the awards I could feel someone staring at me from behind, I leaned over and whispered to Kat asking who is behind us and my heart dropped when she said "Sam, Corey, Jake and Colby". I just tried to focus on Ariana preforming her latest single but I couldn't stop letting my mind wander. I began to start moving my leg up and down, it was something I adapted since the breakup. It help with my anxiety when I couldn't get up and move. Kat then put her hand on my thigh and asked me if I was okay, and I just simply nodded my head. Then Ariana finished her performance and it was time for a commercial break which mean't we could get up and move. Right when the lights went up booked it right to the bathroom, I didn't care if I messed up my makeup because I was getting it fixed anyways, I put a bit of water under my eyes and on my neck. I was getting hot flashes and my chest was hurting. I then decided to go outside. I took out my Juul and started puffing on it and walked towards a bench in the smoking area. I was happy that I had my my clutch with me cause I took out the little baggie and popped some Xanax, then made my way back inside.
"I know I asked this before but are you sure you are good? We can text so you don't have to say it out loud." Kat says as she walks back with me to our seats.
"I'll text you..." I say and I sit back down with again a stare on me again. As the lights were about to go down a worker came and got me to say that I was preforming before the next commercial break.
"You got this babe!" Devyn, Kat and Tara all say to me and I smile and nod. In my head I was freaking out because I just popped a couple of Xanax and now I have to go out on stage. I could barely breath and I could feel it all kicking in and then my body relaxed. My team was all backstage waiting for me to fix up my makeup and change up my hair.
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I never needed you like I do right now
I never hated you like I do right now
Cause all you ever do is make me
Colby's P.O.V
4 months, it's been 4 months since I seen Y/N last and there she was, on stage, singing a song on stage that by the sounds of it, sounds like it's about me.
Couldn't hear the thunder, but I heard your heart race Couldn't see the rain, we're too busy makin' hurricanes Love ain't easy when it ain't my way But it gets hard, when you ain't here makin' me crazy
As I'm looking at her in the spot light looking like a goddess, I can't believe that I hurt this girl. I could feel Sam lean over and ask me..
"Do you think something is up with Y/N? She looks like she is out of it. She looks different, like wayyy different. She looks sickly, like she's very pale and her eyes are basically closed because of how squinted they are.... I don't mean this to offend her but do you think she using?"
"Wait, you think using? Like drugs??"
"Yeah, I mean look at her... There's no way, like no offence but..."
I stared her down and she looked so tired, so hurt. I needed to reach out to her but I didn't want to scare her. I just want to know if she is okay.. But how it is looking, she doesn't look okay.
"Cause all you never do is make me cry" as she sang that last lyric we were looking at each other. Sam is right, she needs someone. She looks so broken and in distress. The preformance ends and there is so much applause. I leaned over and asked Kat and Devyn if they know anything and they just told me that they know as much as I does.
