CHAPTER 1.
I'll never forget that day. The day my world stood still. I got the call that morning. The call that said there had been an accident. My husband; Samuel had passed away. They told me i would have to come and identify his body. The body that had laid beside me the morning before. The body that i made love to not so very long ago. Oh how was i supposed to do this? Faith! How was i going to tell a five year old; a daddy's girl she would never get to see her dad again. I picked up the phone and dialed mom's number. "Mom it's Jane. Can you watch Faith for a few hours ive had an emergency come up. Ill explain later." "Sure Honey bring her by." "Thanks mom." Dazed i got myself and Faith ready and in the car. I dropped her off at moms and tried to prepare myself for the hospital. I pulled up to the hospital silently praying it wasnt him but i knew that was selfish of me. The hospital had a dreery feeling to it. More so than usual. If that was possible. I didnt want to believe it but deep down i knew and with each And with each step my heart grew heavier. As I made my way to the door my heart was racing. My legs were weak. A million things were running through my head. At 25 I shouldnt have to be going through this. Five years ago whe Faith was born it had been the happiest time of our entire lives. She looked just like him with her dark hair and blue eyes. His spitfire personality is what she had too. I had to smile just thinking about her. My little Faith. She almost wasnt named Faith, but now im glad she is because ill need all the faith i can get. I unwillingly snapped back to reality when the door came into view. LORD please help me through this. I walked in and a guy in a white coat approached. "Mrs. Fenton. Im Dr. Allison. Im sorry we have to meet on such horrible circumstances." "Dr. Just let me see if its him or no please i cant take it any more." My eyes were sore from crying my makeup was smeared and my shirt was soaked from tears. He lead me to a cold hard table. There laid a body with a white sheet. Slowly he pulled it back and i couldnt breathe. The room had went black. I couldnt remember what happened. I heard my daughter laughing and playing. I heard Samuel reading her a bedtime story. Then i remembered it was just memories. He was gone forever. Why him? He never hurt any one. He always helped any way he could. I woke up crying in the hospital bed with Faith singing to me. My baby Faith. "Faith sweetie I need to talk to nana. Can you please go stand in the hall a minute with Pops?" "Yes Mommy! I love you!" "I love you baby." I sat up a little in the bed. I felt as if the walls were closing in on me. "Mom hes gone." "Whos gone? What do you mean by gone?" "Samuel Mom. He died this morning thats why i dropped Faith off at your house. I had to come make sure it was him. Mom i havent even told Faith yet! I dont know how." "Sweetheart its ok i know it hurts its gonna hurt but you have to stay strong for Faith. Dont lie to her about him. If you do it might only make things harder for her." "Oh mom its not fair." "nothings fair but Faith needs you." Send her back in i need to talk to her alone." "Alright dad and i are going to get some coffee." Faith walked in with a smile on her face. "Baby i need to ask you something." "Ok Mommy what is it?" "Do you know what Heaven is?" "Yes its the place where Jesus is." "Your right but do you know how people get to visit him?" "No" "Well they have an accident." "Like wetting the bed?" "No" I tried not to laugh at her. "Its like when they have a car wreck and it hurts them really bad. Jesus decides he wants them to come spend time with him." "Oh" "Honey i know this is going to be hard sister but your daddy has went to see Jesus." She didnt say anything just stared like she hadnt heard me. "Sweetheart are you ok?" "Yes Mommy but when does daddy come home?" My heart broke into a million pieces all over again. "Faith Honey he doesnt get to come home." "But i wanna see Daddy!!!" "I know baby. Come lay down with me." As we laid there together all our life was playing in my head. Faith fell asleep and mom and dad returned. I waited for the dr. To come around. He finally came and asked to speak to me alone. I told him ok. Faith went to sit with my parents. I started to panic. "Mrs. Fenton. Theres a few things i need to address with you." "Ok" "I know this will be a shocking question but have you ever had cancer?" "No not that i know of." "Faith is your only child?" "Yes she is." "We have to wait for tests but either Faith will become a big sister or you will have to start chemo soon. We will work that out when we have the final results." I stared in shock and when i didnt say anything he turned around and walked out. I just couldnt believe what he had said. I couldnt breathe. Either thing could be my breaking point. I cant raise a baby. Im gonna do good to raise Faith. Samuel being gone is the worst possible thing. My love! My life! GONE. When mom walked back in i started crying. I didnt want to tell her it was a possibility of cancer. It would kill her. I was an only child and Samuel was too. We both grew up in a quiet town in Utah. When it was time to decide on colleges we decided one in Arkansas. We married at 19 and had Faith a year later. We had finished with college by the time she was 3. From then on we worked. We always wanted another baby. When Faith was a baby we decided she wasnt going to be an only child. We wanted her to always have someone she could count on when we were no longer here. All i had ever counted on was Samuel and he was gone. I didnt expect anything as great as a baby to come out of something so terrible. I had to quit thinking about the past. I needed to be focused on what lay ahead. If there was a new life coming into this world i needed to be strong. "Mom. The doctor came in and said the reason i passed out wasnt just from stress. He said he wasnt exactly sure yet." "What did he say?" "Mom please calm down. This is hard enough as it is. I really dont think i need to tell you just yet." "Jane tell me this instant or ill go ask him myself and dont think i wont!" "He said i either have cancer or im pregnant. He has to run more tests to know for sure which one. I know your scared for me but im ready to accept either hurdle and you are to take Faith if anything happens." "Dont talk like that! Your gonna be fine!" "We will see what the tests show and go from there." I fell asleep hoping and praying there was a little one inside me. My Faith needed me and I needed her. The next morning Faith came bounding in the room holding one of those big singing balloons. "Mommy! Mommy! It sings!!" i gasped like i was amazed. "It does? How? Show me?" I tried to be upbeat for my baby. She tapped the button and it started belting "Dont Worry Be Happy." I had to laugh. "Mommy how long are you gonna stay here?" "Baby i have to wait until the doctor says i can go home. It shouldnt be to much longer. Then we can go to Utah to see Nana Karina ok?" "Really mommy? We are going to Utah." "Yep as soon as I get out! Mom i need you to take Faith to the house let her get a few things and bring her back here so if i dont go home today she can stay the night with me." Mom looked worried but agreed. When they left i called Karina, Samuels mom. I didnt know if anyone had called to let her know about him. I also let her know that we would be coming for a visit. After i got off the phone with her i decided to take a nap before the doctor came around to let me know whats going on. As i drifted off i silently prayed it was a baby. The doctor finally came in. He told me he wanted to see me in a week because he still wasnt sure what was going on. I called mom and told her i would come pick Faith up. I called the doctors office and told them it would be at least 3 weeks before i could come in. I promised Faith we could go to Utah. She hadnt seen her dads mom since she was 4. We always let her talk to his parents on the phone but it wasnt the same. I missed his parents we lived with them from the time we graduated til Faith was 4. "Faith? Are you ready to go?" "Mommy! Mommy! Have you seen my teddy daddy gave me?" "No baby i havent did you take it to nanas with you?" "I dont think i did." I looked all over the house for that bear. The only place i hadnt looked was Samuels closet. I walked over slowly to the door and I heard Faith scream. I ran as fast as i possibly could to where she was. She had tears streaming down her face. "Whats wrong baby?" Through her sobs i barely made out what she said. "My bear! His head was pulled off and its gone! Mommy where is ir?" "Baby where did you find the bear?" "On the couch where Daddy use to sit." Weird i thought the bear wasnt sitting there earlier when i looked. This is creeping me out. "Faith i want you to get your bag and a different animal." "Ok mommy." She was still crying. I called mom and told her we were headed to Utah. Id been driving 12 hrs straight with just a few minutes for gas food and bathroom breaks. I had a 17 hour drive ahead of in the morning. I found a motel that was cheap enough and i woke Faith up to go in. I got her back to sleep and set my alarm for 6. BEEP BEEEP BEEEEEP. I hit the snooze. Finally at 630 i made my way to take a shower and repack. Faith was still peacefully sleeping. I was headed to the car with our stuff. I could barely see over our bags but i could see the head of Faith's teddy sitting. Staring. Mocking me. Someone was following us. Tied to his ear was a note: "Samuel may be gone but his secrets are still living. Keep an eye on Faith. She might be the only thing left when secrets unravel." love Samuels advocate. I was freaking. I threw the head and letter in the trunk an ran for my baby. What did that note me? Secrets?? I rushed to the room Faith was right where i had left her. "Faith time to go and get breakfast and get to Nana Karina's." My heart was racing but i couldnt let on that something was wrong. "mommy will you braid my hair?" I braided her and we went to get breakfast. We were finally on the road. I was beginning to calm down but i was still on alert. My baby was sleeping and i had the radio playing. The trip seemed to drag on forever.
17 hours later....
It was later than what i expected when we got to Karinas. She was waiting when we pulled up. Rob her husband gathered Faith out of the car and carried her in the house. I called moms cell and left a message that we made it. I grabbed our bags and headed to the house. Faith and i got Samuels childhood room. All his sports trophies were in here. The ones hes said he wouldnt leave behind but he did anyways. I ran my finger across a picture of Faith Samuel and i. Faith was about 2 when it was taken. I was working on my final few classes for college. I remember a short time when Samuel was distant from me but now i wondered if it had to do with the secrets he kept. What was i thinking? Some stupid teenager was pulling a prank and i was letting it get to me. I laid beside Faith uable to sleep yet i was exhausted. I drifted off. The next thing i knew i was being awaken by Faith. Saying she heard something. I told her to go back to sleep and wake me up for breakfast. We both fell back asleep and around 7 Faith was waking me up once again.. She was still complaining about noises. I heard Karina downstairs in the kitchen. Faith went to join her while i slept....."Get up MOMMY!! Nana Karina made french toast. Doesnt it smell yummy?" "Ahhhhh Faith 5 more minutes. Mommy loves you but this early stuff is for the birds!" "Mommy its after "one" "one" "three" "zero" (11:30) now GET UP! Get shower or ill call Nana!" "Oh dont call my mommy!!! Please! I dont want a spanking." I pretended my mom scared me. "Then you butt up mama." "Alright alright im up! Go get your butt dressed my Angel." "Okie Dokie." She bounced off the bed, found her bag and pulled a blue dress with black frills all over it. That kid has some crazy taste. After my shower i went downstairs. I had french toast, eggs, bacon, and orange juice. "Thanks you two." "Oh it wasnt me it was ALL Faith." "Are you sure Karina? Faith cant cook this good!" "MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMY!" "What my dear?" "I love you." I pulled my precious princess to me. "I love you to my baby girl." "What shall we do today?" Karina spoke up and said "How about you take Faith to her daddy's favorite place. If you can remember how to get there since it has been 5 yrs. She would like it i think." "Thanks Karina thats and awesome idea but its gonna have to wait a few ays. Today we are going to see an old friend. Then tomorrow i have to get Faith started on some schooling i dont want her to be behind." "Well when you leave for town today i need you to pick up some stuff." I read the list;
Toothpaste and toothbrush.
mens shampoo
4 pairs of pants 2x-3x
4 shirts 2x-3x
boots size 12
and a large back pack.
I thought i was going nuts! Rob did appear to be that big. To me it seems like she was buying stuff for Samuel. But she was buying it for Rob wasnt she? I couldnt shake the feeling from this morning. I didnt think Rob was that big. Why did she need all this stuff for a man who wasnt that big? It just didnt make sense. It was around 2 before Faith and i left. We went to the store picked up the things off the list. Faith eyed a toy but she didnt ask for it. "Faith if you want it go get it." "Are you sure mommy?" "Yes go get it." She brought back a simple baby doll. I smiled at her innocence. "Now we are headed to a friend of mines house. I want you to be a really good girl." "Whats her name Mommy?" "Hope. Hope Turley unless she is married now." "Oh ok mommy." She seemed satisfied with my answer and told me she would be good. I pulled up to the address she gave me. I was a little nervous to see her. When we graduated highshcool she had stayed here while i chose to go with Samuel. She didnt want me to go she thought that he was a little off. She never told me why though. I knocked and we waited. For the longest time we stood there waiting. Faith was growing a little bit impatient. Finally the door opened. Out stepped the most beautifully handsome man I'd seen. He stood a good 6 feet or more. He had the eyes the color of the autumn sky. His hair was cut short with more on top. "Can i help you."
