it makes me dizzy. / chungmi

reveries, chungha

nightmare-chungha ver

Notes:
Next chapter will have a Sunmi ver, in which Chungha is the one to comfort her. – also posted on ao3, under the same name.

//

Chungha was lost.

In a void of nothingness, Chungha struggled to distinguish between reality and her own imagination betraying her. She watches lights flicker around her, blinding her– she sees people emerge from that familiar, ever so blinding, ever so unreachable light.

They have no faces, but she can feel them staring into her soul, ridiculing her. This was not new to Chungha; her nightmares constantly dance through the hall of her tightly locked up insecurities, trampling over her very being from inside out.

But she never expects it. No matter how many times it happens, no matter how many times she watches herself fall apart at her own hands, she never prepares herself for this.

Chungha is helpless in this grand, unseemly celebration– all the nameless guests inspect her as she is put into the spotlight, like a rare item put up for auction.

She feels hopeless, like her body is a cage and she can do nothing but be moved and controlled by their hands – Chungha cannot move, and her body will not let her run away.

She hasn't had these nightmares in awhile, but today feels different from before; much more overpowering, much more dangerous.

The fears feast on her very soul, and she makes out a face– Sunmi. Sunmi, in all her glory and beauty – Sunmi, the kind-hearted, understanding woman she fell in love with– Sunmi, who now wears a blank expression on her face, staring through her with empty eyes.

She hates it, she hates how these nightmares turns her love against her, how they doubt Sunmi's unwavering love for her.

Chungha can do nothing but watch, as this 'Sunmi' turns away from her and leaves, disappearing into the merciless light.

Chungha wakes up with tears falling out of her eyes uncontrollably. She doesn't find that she cares that much now; she's breathing erratically,  and she feels so, so afraid– she finds that she doesn't care about anything at all, only focusing on the uncomfortable, cold feeling settling in her heart, causing it to freeze. She tries to calm herself down, to drag herself out of whatever this is, until she feels herself being pulled by oh so warm hands into a soft embrace. Chungha is scared and still sobbing into whatever pulled her, she doesn't register the soft breathing and heartbeat that she can feel against her cheek until a voice calls out to her.

"Chungha, baby? Are you okay? What happened?"

Sunmi.
The moment she realises that Sunmi's here, she hasn't left, she's still here for her, Chungha collapses into even more of a sobbing mess.

Chungha sobs out of relief, but she's not sure if Sunmi gets that— she's buried in Sunmi's chest, and she hasn't made any effort to look up at her face or even move back to create a space. She finds that she's more than comfortable, and she's never felt safer.

Chungha feels too tired to say anything now, but she's content just like this.

Sunmi obviously gets even more worried, but doesn't say anything, settling to thread her fingers through Chungha's hair soothingly while Chungha slowly brings her breathing back to normal.

She finally steadies her voice (or at least, as the best as she can now) and raises her head up to look at Sunmi's face.

She's struck with Sunmi's worried expression clouding her face, and finds that her breathing is slightly fast, a telltale sign of her losing her normal calm, carefree demeanour and descending into panic that Chungha slowly learnt to recognise. Though she's obviously trying to contain it so that Chungha can calm down.

Once again, Chungha is struck with the weight of  Sunmi's love for her.

She adores this woman, and accepted heartbreak fully when she gave her heart to Sunmi, silently expecting nothing in return.

Sunmi is full of surprises, though; she'd never have expected that Sunmi would have even given her a second glance, much less reciprocate her feelings and stay with her up til this moment.

Sunmi is ever so radiant, even while holding the mess Chungha has currently fallen down to in her arms and soothing her.

She loves her with all her heart, and she knows Sunmi feels the same way.

Something in Sunmi's eyes give her enough energy that she never thought she'd gather up again to answer her worried girlfriend.

If it was for Sunmi, Chungha would do anything.

She manages to choke a word out.

"Nightmare."

That's all Sunmi needs to understand her. Sunmi pulls her even closer than before, practically squeezing her– not that Chungha minds, though. In fact, it's more than welcome.

Sunmi kisses Chungha's messes up crown of hair, so softly and so tender as ever.

"It's okay, I'm here with you now. I love you, Chungha."

Chungha feels like everything is going to be okay, like all her fears have already melted and evaporated into nothingness in her girlfriend's embrace.

Sunmi loves her. That's all the reassurance she needs. Her heart feels so warm and full, and the once so intimidating winter covering it has dissipated.

The realisation hits her as she listens to Sunmi's heartbeat;

She's in love, and she's okay, here in her girlfriend's embrace.

She'll talk about this soon, and she knows Sunmi would want to know; she already knows the way Sunmi would talk to her, so soft and calming as she always is, with her voice dripping with worry born out of affection.

But for now, she just wants to stay like this. Her fears are invisible, and the only thing that she can hear and feel is Sunmi's steady breathing and heartbeat.

Chungha finds peace, and takes note of how Sunmi's hand never leave her hair, comforting her.