Title: The circle of my life in 2017
Breathing
It's getting harder to do
I'm chocking on air
My thoughts are crumbled
The tears don't stop coming
I'm starting to scream
I keep starching my neck and chest
I start to see black dots in my view
My arms fall next to my side
I soon fall down onto my bed
My breathing gets normal
I lay there, unconscious
No one came
No one heard the hour longing screaming
Sometimes it was over three hours
Or just half an hour
It depend on the day
Sometimes after I get awake
I force myself to school
If there is time for me
to get to any lesson
I had those days
I didn't eat
I wasn't even hungry
I just drank water
Sometimes orced myself to eat
I danced for hours to no end
I started to lose weight
I was happier in my own body
I wasn't happy in my mind
"You should take the knife
and slam it into your arm"
I tricked the voices
Soon it didn't work
They just mocked me
"You are so weak"
"You can't even slice your wrists!"
I begged them to stop
They didn't
Every night I went to sleep
around 9pm to 10pm
I only had nightmares
From 1 up to 15 different scenarios
Every night
And I died in all of them
Sometimes I was seeing my body
and saw how others reacted
Sometimes I was in my own body
and I would die somehow
Every night
I woke up around 3:33
I always woke up in the witching hour
And I fell asleep when I heard
my mother's alarm go off
I slept until I had slept so much
Then all of this started again and again
For almost a year
I did this
I didn't want to
But still I did so
Written on: 6. 11. 2019
Written by: Starmyo
