voicemail

sun

1st october

"hi...

it's just me again.

i'm just calling to think-
or, to find somewhere to put my thoughts into words.

i've been thinking a lot.

i didn't wanna get out of bed today, so... i didn't. i just laid there, and watched the sunlight seeping through under the curtains, across the floorboards.
it looked so pretty.

so pretty i was about to take a photo of it and show you.
then i remembered you're not there to be shown things anymore.

it's okay. it's fine. i can't change the fact that you're not here anymore. it was your- your choice, and i've just got to learn to live with it and accept it.

so why is accepting it so hard?

no... that's not why i called. i don't want to think about what happened again.

i called because i was thinking about it again, so i want to distract myself.
not think about it more.

i like sunlight. it's pretty.
you're not here to watch the sunsets with me anymore like we used to, but i still do sometimes. i did the other day; i walked down to the beach, and sat by myself during the golden hour. the sun was reflecting off the waves- like a mirror. it was ruby, like the sun;
like you.

it was so beautiful.

i...

i hope if you were here, you'd think it was beautiful too.

i hope it's okay that i'm enjoying sunsets without you.
i hope wherever you are now, you can watch as many pretty sunsets as you want. i hope they're prettier than the ones we have here.

i just hope...

i just hope you're okay."