Vanitas × Noé

Worry

Recently reread chapter 11 and Vani's face when Noé saved him from Ruthven prompted this. Also I just want to mention, that vision of teacher Noé had in the same chapter and the chair being warm? Mighty suspicious. That's irrelevant to this chapter but every time I reread parts of this series I remember something or pick up on something I didn't before. Like... I have some halfway decent theories and looking at my theories chapter that I wrote not too long ago... wow. I did not put any of my best ideas in it.
---------------------------------------------------------

Noé could protect himself. Vanitas knew that. That was why he had asked the vampire to join him. He was strong. But even if he was strong, Noé was reckless. He was stupid. He put himself in danger because he believed everything would always work out in his favour. He still had that juvenile mindset that most young people have where they think they're invincible.

And yet, Vanitas worried about Noé. He forgot to worry sometimes but he began to keep a closer eye on his companion after the ball in Altus. Stepping between him and Ruthven was incredibly foolish. Vanitas had been prepared to die. But Noé had put his life on the line for his sake. Vanitas couldn't let him do that again. No one would ever sacrifice themself for his sake. Least of all Noé.

Somehow, Noé had convinced Vanitas to let him stay with him even after his stunt with Ruthven. He had yet to pull anything so stupid again, thankfully. But Vanitas was always watching, making sure Noé wouldn't throw himself into another fight he couldn't win. He was fine with Noé protecting him, welcomed it even, but the moment he put his life in someone else's hands again Vanitas would cut him loose.

He knew he was growing closer to Noé. And he knew that was dangerous. The closer they got the more likely Noé was to sacrifice himself for Vanitas. The closer they got the less likely Vanitas was to get rid of him. But... Noé was special in some way. Vanitas couldn't help but give him slack where he wouldn't for anyone else. Even Dante, who he had known considerably longer, would have been treated more harshly than Noé.

Vanitas found, after some contemplation, that he wanted to protect Noé. That in and of itself was a problem. Wanting to protect him, to make sure he didn't just survive but was safe, made him weak. Vanitas wouldn't admit this weakness to Noé or anyone else, including himself, at least not out loud. But, what if one day someone, an enemy, could see it from watching them? What if Noé was used against him? He wouldn't be able to forgive himself or Noé if something like that were to happen.

Noé was the opposite kind of person Vanitas should be with if he didn't want things going wrong down the line. He was far too willing to sympathise with other people. That made him vulnerable and one day someone would do something to Noé because of it. Something Vanitas couldn't stop. Something that would hurt one or both of them. Vanitas would really rather not get hurt unless it was his own fault.

At the same time Vanitas didn't want to get rid of Noé, even with the risks. Even with the sword dangling above his head, just waiting to drop. Noé was exactly what Vanitas needed sometimes. He could be understanding when necessary but he didn't just go along with everything Vanitas said. He'd call him out and prove that sometimes there were other ways to do things.

Vanitas found that he liked being proven wrong. Noé was the only one who had ever really been able to do that for him, at least for the first time in a long time. Noé was a lot of fun to be around, besides all his fighting with Vanitas of course. He always managed to say or do something amusing at the right time.

As a partner, as a companion, Noé was almost perfect. He had all the skills Vanitas lacked that were necessary to save cursebearers. Noé was different to Vanitas in all the ways that mattered and that made him almost unbearably better than Vanitas. All the problems with Noé were simply the result of him being too trusting and as far as character flaws go that isn't a terrible one to have. When Vanitas compared himself with Noé he could see how his flaws outweighed Noé's by far.

Even though that was the case, Noé wasn't suited to be alone in the world. His flaws made him weak and vulnerable. So, Vanitas wasn't  staying with Noé wasn't just because he was useful. It was because, if he didn't Noé inevitably get hurt. As much as Vanitas needed Noé, Noé needed Vanitas. They were two sides of the same coin.

---------------------------------------------------------

I don't know what I was on about when I wrote this. I just think Vanitas cares a lot more than he lets on and that he was legitimately horrified that Noé could have died trying to protect him from Ruthven. Like, Vanitas is terrible at expressing his feelings. I do think he genuinely wants everyone around him to be safe.

Also, I've come to the realisation that despite the fact that Vanitas is my favourite character (thus far) I would deck him if I ever met him. He's just such a bastard. I'd have to punch him y'know? I can hardly believe he's 18! He's near my age! And he's out here acting like that.