Sixth Year (Snowbaz)

29. Dead or in my Arms

AN: Writing another Simon chapter because it's my world and you're all just living in it. :D Sorry it's short.

Simon

Penny is in the hollow cove of the yew tree, nestled between it's ancient branches, one foot propped up against the bark. Her dark wavy hair blowing gently in the chilly Autumn wind. She's looking out through the branches across to the other side of the grounds. There aren't many moments when I catch Penelope Bunce looking calm. She's usually always on my case about one thing or another.

I touch her arm, pulling her out of her trance.

"Hey, Pen."

She turns around and gives me a warm smile.

"Hiya, Simon."

"So..." I begin.

"So," she looks down at her buckled shoes. "You're kissing Baz."

"It appears so."

"Care to explain?"

I let out a loud sigh and drag myself to lean against the branch opposite her. The yew tree nestling us in the palm of it's hand.

"So, since the ultimatum, Baz and I have become somewhat civil towards each other. I spent the Autumn break with him in Hampshire. Nothing happened when I was there. Although, he did touch my hair that was sorta weird. Also he wears pyjamas with dogs on them. Hilarious."

Penny frowns at me, as if to say "get to the point".

"Anyway, we're all chummy and what not and then the first night in Ireland the whole team gets absolutely legless, including Baz and I. Next thing I know Baz dragged me out to the ocean. And I don't know why, maybe it was the alcohol, but then I kissed him. Just a peck, but still."

I can't tell what Penny's thinking. Her eyes are unreadable. God, I hope this isn't the moment I find out she's homophobic (biphobic?).

"Then we're back in the tent and we make out until I fall asleep to Baz stroking my hair. When morning comes we can't keep our hands off each other again. I mean, I was shaking the whole plane ride home. It's like I was having withdrawals or something. That night when we got back to our room we practically attacked each other. It was mental."

Penny remains quiet for a moment then asks, "So, you like Baz?"

"Christ, most of me still hates him. But, Crowley, some dumb, stupid part of me can't keep my hands off him."

"Tell me you're not making this up? That it's not some elaborate plan to confuse the hell out of me."

"It's not."

"So, are you gay?" Penny asks, raising an eyebrow.

"No," I say. Then I think about it. "Well maybe a little bit. I don't know."

"Do you like Baz?"

No, I think. But then I think about his smile. My heart jumping when his hair falls in his face. How shit I felt when he said that we weren't boyfriends. Or that it wasn't even serious. Maybe I'll ignore him and see how unserious he finds it. See if he can live without it. Because from the way he's been kissing my moles and blabbering on about my hair, I don't think it's purely messing around to him.

"I don't know."

I growl, kicking the tree.

"Okay, Maybe I do. Crowley, this is the weirdest thing ever. I'm snogging Basilton Grimm-Pitch, my nemesis. This is so weird!"

"It's not that weird," Penny says.

I raise an eyebrow.

"I mean, I always sensed some brooding Mr. Darcy and Lizzy Bennet energy."

I laugh, then growl again.

"What the hell do we do? Just keep to ourselves in that damned tower and snog until we fall asleep every night? Play like we're just friendly acquaintances around Dev and Niall, and Agatha. Oh Christ, Agatha! I'm never telling her. She'll lob my head off."

There's a stern look on Penny's face.

 "Calm down, Simon. You don't have to tell anyone."

"What if I want to? I'm not a fan of keeping secrets. I feel like I'm shoved in an air tight chest."

"Well, not everything is your secret to tell."

She's right. I can't just snog Baz in the dining hall. No-one knows he's gay (except maybe his bitch aunt, but she's practically no one to me).

"I don't know if I want it to keep this lust-fest going if we still have to kill each other when the war comes to an end. I know I like to ignore that fact, but whatever we've got going on right now is quite the obstacle. I need Baz one of two ways: dead or in my arms. I can't do both and I don't want the former."

"Tell him that."

"He's not one for feelings."

"Well, in your situation, that's too bad. He has to hear it. Think about this wisely, Simon. I don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to see this end in flames."

The lunch bell rings and Penny and I walk to History together. After school, I summon my sword and tramp through the Wavering Wood hacking at the shrubbery in an attempt to figure out what I want before I go talk to Baz. I don't know what I want.