The Great Game

Part 2

When Everybody was awake Steve was still hugging his knees to his chin, tears streaming down his face. "Um Cap why don't you come on out it's breakfast time." Tony announced.

"Okay I'll be out in a second." He was terrified to find his voice was very shaky. Steve got up and ran to the sink.

He was even more terrified to find that his eyes were puffy.

Deep Breaths and Maybe you can face them like a man

Steve took a couple of deep breaths and got ready for the day. As usual he choose jeans and a grey sweater. He laced up a pair of black running shoes.

Steve went out into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Tony was fiddling with a screwdriver and the arm of his armor with a donut stuffed in his mouth.

"Good morning cap. Mission." Natasha said as she plopped down a file. Steve slowly picked up the file and read it. It was simple, in and out Hydra mission piece of cake.

Steve nodded and started picking at his breakfast. When he was done, Steve rose. "I'll go change." He said and hurried off to his room.

Steve picked out the Shield covert outfit and black combat boots. He picked up his shield and left the room with it.

Nat came bounding up a second later with a grin on her face. "You look great Rogers." Natasha said.

Steve nodded "thanks." He grumbled. He picked up the file once more and saw that Sam was accompanying them. Steve's insides turned.

What if he finds out

What if he gets suspicious?

What if he tells the team and they hate me?

All these questions went around Steve's head in a horrible cycle. Nat noticed him staring at nothing and . She draped her arm across his shoulder "how ya doin Steve?" She asked.

Steve. Somebody finally called him Steve he was no longer cap or the captain he was Steve. "I'm great!" He said with a fake smile.

Time Skip to Sam, Nat and Steve are on a shield sanctioned airplane

Nat was piloting the plane. Steve's hands were shaking and he sat on them to prevent it but Sam could obviously see something was wrong.

"Hey Cap you okay?" Sam asked. Steve could hear the concern behind his words. Steve put on his best show smile that he perfected for this moment. "I'm great Sam! You?" He asked.

Sam frowned "I'm good." He said. Steve knew that if Sam knew he would tell the Avengers.

And by the stage Steve is in he would probably have a full team of counselors looking over him. And plus everybody in the tower has their problems but they don't shake when a pan drops do they?

"Boys drop zone coordinates looking in 3.2.1. Drop!" Nat yelled and Steve ran up to where the loading dock was open. Sam came up behind him and flew out.

Steve was back on the train. He jumped out the plane and the lines were starting to blur between real and fake. He was with Bucky once again.

Steve wanted to scream out loud but likely chance that would happen. Instead He started breathing short shallow breaths.

When he landed he started fighting and none of these things mattered.

Time Skip to Dinner with the Avengers

Steve was sitting at the table picking at his food. Eating made him feel sick.

The conversion around him buzzed but Steve ignored it. He was a little bit more reckless on this mission.

But noooooo getting shot was not in the equation. SHIELD would probably have some super medicine and bring him back from the grave.

Steve returned back to reality and saw all the smiling faces around him. So naturally he put on a fake smile too. Steve's eyes darted around the room nervously.

Suddenly, a loud crash could be heard. "My bad!" He heard Nat yell.

Steve flinched he could hear bombs going off all around him. His hands started to shake and then the shaking would transfer all throughout him.

"Excuse me." Steve said and ran off to his bedroom. He sat on the floor and ran his fingers through his hair over and over again.

He was almost out of this panic attack when he heard Tony knock on the door. Steve shot up and answered the door.

"Hey Cap what's up you seem a little jittery." Tony said. Crap crap crap!!! What if Tony knew that wouldn't be good at all.

A big part of Steve wanted to cry out and say Yeah I'm a little jittery. I can't tell the difference between fake and real. Loud noises scare me I can't jump out of planes without screaming. I cut. I want to get shot on a mission. I have PTSD and shell shock but I'm fine

It took everything inside of Steve not to say this. "Yeah totally fine Tony." He reassured. Tony nodded and looked around the room.

"Um alright I guess. The team and I are watching Harry Potter again if you want to join." Tony said and walked off.

Steve nodded and said a quick thank you and slammed the door shut. He picked up the Bible on his nightstand and leafed through it.

No he in was pain right this moment, something needed to take the edge off. He couldn't get drunk and he already kept on pushing himself to the limits, so working out seemed futile.

Instead Steve ran right to the blade. He rolled up his sleeve and picked a cut less spot on his arm.

He cut and let the blood pour. When we was done Steve felt dizzy and sat down. He looked around the room and didn't even see that that much blood poured out so it was him and his emotions. He cleaned and bandaged his wound so nobody could see it.

Steve got up and cleaned his bathroom. He was almost done when he heard a knock on the door. "Hey Steve I just wanna know if your alright!" Nat yelled.

"Yeah Nat I'm uh uh in the bathroom ill be out in a second?" It came out more like a question like he wasn't sure.

Steve finished and went to answer the door with a smile plastered on. He saw Nat, Tony and Sam awaiting him.

His stomach turned. It was bad enough having Tony here but Nat and Sam. He was officially scared for all his lies.

"Hey guys." Steve greeted. Nay lowered her eyes and looked around the room. Sam and Tony looked at him with looks of concern.

"So Cap, Tony here tells me you barely gotten any sleep this week and when you do you wake up screaming wanna tell me why?" Sam asked.

"Nightmares." Steve shrugged. "Why didn't you tell us?" Tony asked.

Steve shrugged again. "Everybody suffers from nightmares." He said. Tony and Sam nodded.

Nat looked defeated and Sam walked away with a frown. "Well if you need anything tell J and one of us will be right up okay?" Tony asked and walked away with Nat and Sam.

Steve locked his door back and sat on his bed. Fool Your so useless that you can't even hide your feelings! A voice said in his head.

Steve Started reading his Bible again and prayed. Why can't this all end?