October || Narry au

𝑜𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑏𝑒𝑟 19𝑡ℎ

"You gonna put your shoes on? Or do you need my help?" I asked, attempting desperately to make myself smile at him. He lifted his head from my shoulder and just stared. I wasn't even sure he was going to answer my question until he finally shook his head. I couldn't stop myself from sighing a little at the loss of contact when he let go of my hand, shuffling towards the shoe rack and then the bottom step of the stairs, so he could slip on his boots. After watching him meticulously, I forced myself to get back to the task at hand and finish tying my own shoes, moving towards the door and just waiting for him. He moved so slowly, like he was aching all over, and for all I was aware of, he was. But I would've waited forever for him, if I had to.

"Ready?" I near-whispered, smiling properly at him this time, as he came to my side again and grabbed frantically for my hand. I could feel that he was still trembling and it made my lungs tighten. It took him a minute, but eventually he was nodding, only tightening his grip a little when I unlocked the door and opened it for us. I watched his face as he stared outside, his eyes darting around frantically like he was trying to take in everything at once. But I felt my heart drop to my stomach when he started shaking his head furiously. He took a small step back, still clinging to my hand.

"Niall..." he murmured, the nerves so clear in his voice. It's so awful, but for a moment, I was genuinely distracted by how much emotion he'd spoken with – more than he'd had for over a month now. But I mentally gathered myself as much as I could, moving back with him so I was closer to his side, moving my free hand to shoulder, rubbing my fingers gently against his impossibly tense trapeze muscle.

"It's alright, baby. I'm here. We can just take it one step at a time, okay?" I soothed, feeling staggering relief when he started nodding his head instead, the movements much more controlled than before, but his eyes still fluttering around erratically in his skull.

"C'mon, that's it. You're safe, baby. I'm right here."

I kept talking to him, praising and reassuring him like it was all I knew how to say, for the entire journey from the house, to the car, to the store carpark and to the entrance. He stayed completely silent when we finally stepped inside the brightly lit store, practically pressing himself into my side as I headed for the cleaning products aisle.

"Right, so we need non-bio detergent for Izzy, then we need some toothpaste, toilet paper and I was going to grab some fruit for her lunches."

I was pretty much talking to myself at this point, but from the feel of how tight he was holding my hand, he was calmer when I kept babbling. The whole time we wondered around the aisles, sharing the weight of the products I needed, I rambled on. It was all complete, nonsensical bullshit, but his posture had relaxed considerably from when I'd started blathering away, so I knew I had to give credit to myself for that. Maybe I really was helping him get better – fuck it, maybe everything was actually going to be okay. I hated getting my hopes up, but I really couldn't seem to help myself. It all just seemed so much better now.

"You want to go to self-service?" I asked, knowing the answer before I'd even opened my mouth. But he nodded anyway, actually shooting me a glance and nearly making me drop everything I was holding with my free arm.

"The people will hurt me," he whispered, leaning a little closer to my ear – my tongue felt like lead in my mouth, "they want to kill me, I can see in their eyes."

He shook his head for a moment, glancing around fleetingly and with nothing but terror on his face. Fuck. My throat felt tight, like it was closing in on itself to punish me for being too hopeful. I could see, feel, how much he was tensing up again. I knew I was a fucking fool for thinking things were already becoming normal, because of course they weren't. But it still hurt.