I stared at him in the beat of the music. Every rhythm of this loud background noise matched my own beating of the heart, with each second killing me to see you smile... Making me ache to hold you in the way I could never do again.
You smiled at me, vape in hand. I just had to take a picture of you... A little reminder that a dream does come true if you wish hard. You sang along the song, echoing us between sweaty bodies and drunken souls. We were the only ones making sense... But will us make sense too?
I knew I was desparate to come with you in this sin-filled place but you were heaven in my eyes. I followed you then and there. We were with other people but we talked as if we were the only two there. In just a short amount of time, it felt like I knew you. Your smile, your scent, that tattoo on your arm... I hate the tattooed you but I do admit they look great on you.
So we danced the night away with no care of the world, not even of the possible disaster. Everything that was happening is the calm in your storm. We both managed to be alright. I told you of my woes and my secrets, and you told me yours. We didn't touch, because you respect me that much... But I was aching for you to do so. In the midst of the swirl of alcohol into our veins, you led me out. Out? Out where? "Into a place where nobody would care about us"
You brought me to the most unexpected place. Not into a hotel, or anything dirty, but to a gaming station. I remembered so clearly before the alcohol hit us, the way your eyes sparked when I mentioned my most recent favorite game. It was your favorite too. You brought me there to know me better. You became my support, while I was becoming aggreviated with the game. What made me more blushed in my drunken state, however, is when you called me your princess. My heart fluttered with joy, never expecting to hear such words from you from the years we knew each other. To you, I was just an innocent, smart girl. But now, I'll prove you wrong. I'll prove to you I can be so much more. I can prove to you that I, today and onwards, can be the lover you've been seeking for.
But alas, everything was but a calm in the storm. We took off at exactly 6 in the morning for breakfast. We ate at a nearby fastfood chain and you sat down in front of me, with that stupid, handsome smile on your face. Then, that blasted phone call came. I can remember the way your face looked. I will never forget the worries and fear in your eyes the moment you said "Ma?". I was worried. He stood up in hurry, not knowing what to do. I was his lady of the night. He asked, "Will you be okay? Should I grab you a cab?" to which I declined. You gave me a longing hug and left in hurry. I sat alone, wondering if it's all true.
"Your grandma... She's in the hospital right now. She might not be able to make it."
Fast forward to days, months, and we had no progress. I accepted it. You loved your grandmother dearly. I knew it in every post you made. You even helped out with her resting place. You barely had time to chat me up. I wanted to go to you so badly, but I'm too scared to be there. So, I chose to be beside you from far away, waiting for any signs of you.
Patience. I lost patience. Soon, enough... You came back to me. You talked to me more often ever since your grandma died. We talked about it. We even planned on going somewhere you and I could talk and unwind but... They were only plans. They never happened.
No. You made it never happen. I watched from afar, seeing pictures of you with some mutual friends having fun on bars and clubs. I was envious, hurt and agonized. I never wanted to talk to you ever again. I was enraged by the mere fact that I left myself locked up to reserve myself for you but you never came. You never showed up. I made it to myself to not care anymore. Not even a single bit.
Time went by and I have finally found the love of my life. A month into the relationship, you suddenly showed yourself to me again. I was shocked and amazed that you even spoke to me. I went along with the casual greetings, then you told me you were drinking. The conversation went on, and you started talking about your feelings for a special someone, how you believed in past lives and that you have finally found the missing piece, but you were too stupid to let her go. She now belonged to someone else. I belong to someone else. I was left with the raging fire of emotions you left me with. I was filled with anguish, and pain I have never thought I'd feel ever again.
He's right. He found me. He found the one who could have been there always for him in his time of need but he was the one who abandoned me during those times. I never regretted a thing, but it kept me wondering, "If only you said sooner, have we been what we should have been? Have I also found my missing piece in you?". I told myself that it's never too late to leave my lover for him. But, it will be the cruelest and most selfish thing I could ever do to someone, just for somebody who never fought for me when the time needed him to.
I slowly took his feelings for me, and made it to kill the burning anger I had for him for those months he went missing on me. I told him I felt the same, but he killed it before I could even start. I knew he was crying. I knew behind the screen of our phones, he was having regrets. I told him that he will always have a place in my heart, but not in the same room my boyfriend is. He was part of the past that will haunt me with what could be, but that will never make him who he could have been. I retreated slowly from our conversation, and talked to the one I love now.
I told him truthfully of everything. I know he is hurt, but I made sure that he will never be replaced in my heart. I prayed for so long for a guy like him. I know that isn't enough to convince him, but I am known to make everything sure. I will do my best and I keep being am. Now, one year has passed and we are still together with no man nor woman ever coming between us.
As for my almost, maybe in the next life, we'll be together. But, I'm sorry for in this, we'd have to be with somebody else that's not you nor me. We'll have to live our lives in love with other people, until we find ourselves together again... Just like before. Just like April and maybe, in the lives I do also believed we lived in. I believe it too and I believed it the most.
