Warning : mentions of self harm, suicide and death
"she wants to die"
The words still ring in my ears hours after they have been spoken. Oh how I hoped it was a joke, I mean we all joked about dying of boredom in class or how much someone makes us want to die but not if we are actually suicidal.
And she is.
Everyone knew this, it's just common knowledge. No-one knew why but everyone knew.
What's also common knowledge is that she hates most people, me included.
So why do I care that she wants to die? Because I like her.
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I am walking down the hall to the canteen with a load of my friends when I see her. She looks terrible, but still manages to look good. There is no makeup on her face and her hair barely looks brushed, she has lost her usual glossy perfect look and swapped it for my I really don't care one.
My friends give me a knowing sort of look forcing me to realise I have been staring.
I pull myself out of the daze quickly but as I casually glance back over, I see her staring straight back.
Suddenly I panic and drag my friends away to the canteen where we were headed. One of them, Rose, gives me a strange look but still follows.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One week later I have managed to not have many run ins with her but it is now that my worst nightmare comes true and I don't find out until one of my friends runs over and starts yelling about how someone is hurt and there is an ambulance outside school.
I run over to the car park where I know the ambulance will be and I see the girl I care about so much on a stretcher next to an ambulance.
Before I can run over, someone grabs me from behind stopping me from moving.
One of our teachers say that two of her friends can go to the hospital with her if they wish but only two. I wish it could be me but I know she nor her friends would wish the same, however as soon as it is spoken Maddie, her best friend, asks me if I would like to go as it would mean something the her.
Without thinking I agree, who wouldn't want to make sure the girl they like isn't dead?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turns out that she did die that fatal day. Afterwards I took days at a time off school and didn't talk to anyone until Maddie spoke to me one day months after the death and explained why she had wanted me at the hospital with her. I knew it wasn't Maddie's fault that my crush had died and I sure didn't blame her but I needed some way to vent so I punched her right in the nose.
Truth be told it didn't make me feel much better but it did help a little. That is until I realised I didn't want to feel better. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to die.
So I did.
I want to say that if you are thinking of hurting yourself in anyway, reconsider, it does also hurt the people around you and won't help you.
