Girls Who Play Guitars

•no more rules, okay?•

Kim turned to Ellie with tears in her eyes. "I think  ...  I'm kind of freaked out about  ...  things changing."

Ellie swallowed her own tears back. "Kimmie, me too. But we can't stay the same."

"I was seriously thinking of quitting the band, Ellie," Kim said, rubbing her palms over her eyelids. "How fucked up is that?"

"Yeah," Ellie said. "It's fucked up."

Kim sniffed. "I know."

Ellie flicked her ash away in the sand. "Please don't ever quit, Kimmie."

Kim gave Ellie a small smile. "I won't."

Taking a drag of the cigarette, Ellie gazed up into the stars. "I'm sorry I said you had no feelings. Maybe we both need to just stop a bit every now and then? Check in?"

With a nod, Kim hugged her knees tightly and pressed her forehead to them again, speaking into her chest. "I'm sorry I got bossy," she admitted.

Ellie squeezed Kim to her side. "There's no excuse for me ditching you when you needed me."

"Yeah there is."

"No, Kim—"

"I mean it, Ellie." Kim lifted her eyes to Ellie's. "I can see whatever's happening between you and Daniel. I can see it's not going away. And it scares me but I have to get used to it. And I want you to be happy. That's all. I mean  ...  you're my best friend and it's like you're leaving. And I'll miss you. But I've never felt the way you probably feel about Daniel, about anyone—"

"You will one day."

Kim chewed on her lip, shifted her eyes out to the black ocean. "I don't think I'm the same as you, Ellie. Or Meg."

Crinkling her nose, Ellie let out a laugh. "What? You mean you're not a horn-bag?"

With a shrug, Kim tucked her chin close to her chest. "I'm just not into  ...  it. Never have been. Don't want ever to be—"

"Don't stress, you haven't met the right person yet—"

"I've met lots of people, Ellie. I was in Ollie Glass's tour bus at Glasto—"

Ellie gasped. "You were?"

"We pashed, yeah, but I didn't want to root him. Ugh. I just wanted to talk to him about drum licks."

"Talk about keeping secrets," Ellie grinned.

"Yeah. I know. Sorry." Kim squeaked her lips together.

"It's okay," Ellie said, nudging against Kim. "Is he a good kisser—"

"If you must know, yeah, he's good. And he has red silk P.J.'s and sleeps with his Les Paul  ...  "

Ellie did want to know. Wow. Ollie Glass from Silent Moth slept with his Les Paul in red silk pyjamas. Ellie would have to try that one day with her Gibson. See if brought her even closer to her music—

"Don't get me wrong, Ellie," Kim continued, and Ellie stopped thinking about Ollie Glass in his red silk 'jammies and met Kim's eyes, worried Kim would think she wasn't listening to her. "I get what you and Daniel have," Kim said. "And that's not for me. But I understand."

Ellie wrapped her arm more tightly around her friend, not even sure what Kim was saying, but sure she had to support her whatever it meant. "Whatever works for you, works for me, Kimmie, whether you fall in love, or not, or get married, or not, or just want to be on your own or with a chick or a guy. Or ten chicks. I don't care. I just want you to do what makes you happy."