The Secret Affair (Kellin Quinn/Sleeping With Sirens)

Chapter 23 - It Was Always Too Late

"No.....no..........NO!!" I started out speaking softly and ended in a shriek of agony. My wet face felt the rush of air brush it, freezing it to a red tinge.

"Please............Brooke, walk through the door! Show me this is some sick fucking joke!" It took all the strength in my lungs, but my statement, my plead, echoed through the empty house. But the sobs wouldn't bring someone to life. The yells, the begging did nothing. This just gave me more anger and sadness. They were washing and fading and twisting together. Breathing became such a pain, I wanted to stop the action altogether. Like Brooke had. I want to join Brooke. Stumbling my way into the bathroom, I double checked to make sure what I thought and felt were real. Were they? I had fans, I had Katelynn, I had Copeland.

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I woke up with a gasp. That girl, who had been crying. She was in my dream. And it felt ridiculous, but now, as I was wide awake, I felt as if something was ripped from me. Sighing, I leaned back. This time, I forced sleep upon myself. Maybe the dreams would bring back my memory.

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"Dancing!" I chuckled loudly. The adrenaline pumped faster and faster as I heard it. All About Us, He is We. The song I'd propose to Brooke to. I gingerly placed my hand with hers, and we attempted to dance lamely. But we both laughed. I don't know why, but her laugh was like a melody I couldn't get sick of. And I wanted to hear that everyday. Soon enough we were the only one's twirling and fumbling to the lover's beat. Nervousness had disappeared when she began to sing along ever so softly. And I did too. We let the words roll off our tongues so naturally, so freely.  Right before the bridge. Her perfect dress flew out as she giggled in a circle. When she fell into my arms again, we only felt our mixed emotions of happiness, love I was startled when she stopped dancing at the bridge, right before it ended. My heart raced as I watched her. I smirked at her hesitation and ducked down the remainder of space, letting our lips hug and flow over each other. Fireworks surrounded us, in our little bubble, our own world.  The bridge ended right as Brooke ended the kiss. Now was my moment. Now or never, I couldn't stop now. She had to be mine, tonight. Here. We needed to realize what I have already. I carefully pulled her along my side as the song continued on.

"Kellin!" She squealed joyfully.  Everyone was frozen and captivated as we stopped at the edge of the water. My nervous hands began to search for the ring as I got down on one knee. Her beauty only magnified from here, she was perfection. Shock and everything else ran over her face. It took just a second, but as I found the box, opened it, and smiled....We both looked fearless. Forever. Always. Everything was changing right now. And Brooke and I could really share our Forever And Always.

"Brooklynn Mackenzie, hopefully Quinn, soon. Your forever is all that I need. So, I want to ask you for it. Remember, Always and Forever? Well, I can give you that. If you answer this..................Will you marry me?" Each word was a breath. And I awaited her answer, anxiously. I loved her. She was My Brooke. Hopefully, she could be for Forever and Always. But I felt myself being pulled, as I just wanted the answer. I was waking up. But I wanted to see this ending. My heart raced roughly and I tried to grip Brooke's hand. My Brooke. I remembered. Everything, that one night we met each other's gaze. Texting her, kissing her, holding her. Losing her. Over and over again.

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I woke up in tears. How could I forget her? It had been weeks since I was told that Brooke ran off to a different state. Why couldn't I have remembered sooner? Why? I whimpered softly. Was God trying to show that for us, it was always be too late? Will it always be this way? I gathered up my emotions to grab my iPhone, and clicked to my pictures. And I found it. The album of us. I stared down as tears splattered down my reddening cheeks......Until I heard a door open. Footsteps and then a soft voice.

"Kellin...........are.............are you okay?" She choked. It was Harmony. I remembered her.

"No." I managed to sigh, and looked up. My tears only flowed more angrily, as every memory was regained in a matter of seconds.

"Why? Are you hurt?!" She panicked. But I was shocked and frozen. And minutes after sorting out everything, I felt crazy. Not any sort of crazy. The type you feel when you love somebody. I'd let her down, broke my promise.. How could I? More tears soaked me and Harmony was hugging me.

"I remember," I sobbed. Harmony stopped abruptly, staring into nothingness.

"What..?"

"I remember her. I remember everything," I cried.  My heart broke. We were supposed to be for forever. Just like our saying, Always and Forever. But how can we when we are so far away in all the ways that matter?