ten | world's largest band-aid

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IT TAKES AN ENTIRE YEAR to truly confirm I'm a sicko. Shocking to think all it took was hitting send. Who would've thought fifteen months was that much time I needed before I realise I'm ready for closure. And within that relatively long period, I've heard nothing from him. And though I called off the malice towards Hongjoong and Bae a little over a month later, I tried my best to stray from asking for details.

   What the hell could he be up to?

  To while away time as I wait, I fish out a single coin from my purse and toss it into the porcelain-lined fountain. I don't bother with a wish because, personally, I've always thought it rather superstitious. Then I flop down at the edge, my brain traveling through a series of flashbacks, until it screeches to a halt on our first date.

  Surprisingly enough, we didn't get to go after his niece's rehearsal as promised and Seonghwa shifted the date further down the calendar. He mentioned something about wanting it to be special, to be more than entertaining ourselves at some cheap diner while babysitting a four-year-old.

   I hadn't admitted it out loud, but I agreed.

  The water fountain had been our last stop for the night and I couldn't have thought up a better way to close off a date even if I tried.

  'I had a really great time,' I told him for what felt like the umpteenth time that night. Because I did. Hell, I hadn't wanted an end to it.
 

 
   'Me too.'


  He had flashed me one of those knee-weakening smiles of his. At that moment, it became the height of my evening: The last thing I wanted to see before I would've closed my eyes to sleep. It was pretty late, the park deserted, save for a soul or two we had passed on our way to the secluded area where the fountain was erected. No one ever came there and that was when we both came to collective mental conclusion that it would be the spot. Our spot.

   Not much was spoken after that, everything being said at the high-end restaurant of a date venue he had taken me to. Then we kissed before either of us could understand what was truly happening. Gentle and sweet and perfect. Just the touch of his lips to mine assured me of a fact:

   Meant to be.

   And who knows, it could've been the kiss talking, because now I reflect: I'm alone. And even though I'm the first to communicate after a year plus, who am I to think he would actually show. That I'm all he's been thinking about—day in, day out. In winter, in summer, in spring, when he blew out candles in the fourth month.

   Was I a thought for all seasons for him as he'd been for me?

   Or he gave up after the slap...

   Maybe Seonghwa has changed numbers, gone after someone else; decided it was time he played house with someone who doesn't hold year-long grudges; who isn't willing to just let go, overlook mistakes. Freaking move on with what life has to offer next because I obviously was not the one.

   I made him suffer, refused an explanation because logically there shouldn't be one. I never gave a second chance.

   'Heaven and Earth may pass away, but not my love for you. Never my love for you.'

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