[1] Gone Groom | Seonghwa ✓

three | wait, there's more

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I REALISED OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS truly a match made in heaven the moment he got us both couples' shirts and I went 'awwwwwwwww'. Literally. Seonghwa made wearing matching outfits with ridiculous relationship-goals puns seemingly prime.

   The Lotte World Adventure was one I had anticipated since he suggested it, then he got off work the moment he could, a month later. We rarely saw, however, I chose not to complain since I had never understood importuned women and couldn't stand them, hence I never wanted to be that girlfriend.

   Now I reason out something: What if the times away from each other became his breaking point?

   Screw that. He wasn't the only one feeling lonesome.

  It was somewhat vague to imagine what would've happened if he did show up, if we took those vows: for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health—all that crap. The sacred oath. Yet nothing changes. Lonely nights in bed would only become more agonising because we became eternally chained; stuck with each other until someone dies.

   Preferably him.

   Nevertheless, it hurt all the same, I think.

   Anyways, 'I love you berry much,' Seonghwa had said shooting me that daffy, shy smile. Both eyes stayed on my powder pink shirt, most likely admiring his handiwork: A waste of money.

   I might've rolled my eyes, I don't remember, turning away from him, leaving Seonghwa to trail behind with the strawberry plushy he won for me. As much as I would never admit it to this day, seeing him hand me the doll that matched part of my brother's hair in colour, and I totally agreed with my shirt.

  I love him to pizzas.

   Seonghwa's endless legs reached me in record time to drape an arm over my shoulders, and pull me close. It was enough to have me forgetting embarrassment for the time being.

   And now that I long to hold the strawberry in a deathly cuddle, it's gone.

   Life Lesson #2: Never leave a fruit with cute doe eyes lying around in the open. When the little ones come to play, it's lost forever.

   Seonghwa's niece showed up; I've never been able to say no to that little embodiment of all things adorable.

   That night, he promised to get me another.

   I never got it though and time and time again I assured myself that I wasn't bothered by it. It's frivolous. Then paranoia, being a dominant trait of mine, got the best of me the next night he returned from work, and I couldn't stop my mind from painting outlandish pictures.

   Undeniably mussed was he. It would have been easy to tag him beat, but pressing my lips to his, my nose picked up a feminine scent I would never wear. Then he pulled away precipitiously, kept me at arm's length, plastered a smile I could only classify under guilt-ridden.

   But my mind had been far from present, somewhere else, the musk probing every inch of my brain.

   It crushed me.

  'I feel dirty. Let me get cleaned up first, yeah?'

  How the hell could I have responded to that? Then again, it didn't seem like he had been awaiting an answer. Seonghwa headed upstairs, disappearing from sight.

   I still wanted to follow him, the intense desire to have him that night hazily clouded everything else. Instead, Bae came to mind; the conversation we had earlier that week replayed in my head.

   'You should keep a close eye on your boyfriend.' I had no idea anyone could stray off that quickly from a conversation as light-hearted as Yunho pulling a stunt on an unsuspecting Mingi. That was what scared me. Not to mention, the look on her face also gave me cause to worry. 'Don't ask. Just listen to me,' she added before I could've interrupted. Not that I would've anyway, too shell-shocked to move a muscle.

   However, I listened to her in a heartbeat. Sisters before misters. Though it didn't hinder the ambiguity and she let me have my doubts. Bae understood advice like that wasn't an easy pill to swallow.

   That night simply confirmed every suspicion.

  Partly curious over how she found out, I knew I had to ask at some point.

   Listlessly, I clambered up the steps at the sound of our room door clicking shut, only agreeing to enter the shared sleeping area when I heard the shower running. Drained and almost lifeless, I fell atop the sheets, shutting my eyes tight. Unfortunately, more images of him with someone else scintillated across, yet I thought it had to be better than looking at him. I had no idea who she was and my brain couldn't single out a possibility.

   I tuned out every sound: the soft one of the bathroom opening and closing shut; the light one of clothes shuffling to be worn; the cautious one of each step taken as he neared the bed. The mattress dipped under his dead weight. Seonghwa got under the covers which I hadn't, and despite the goosebumps bespeckled across my skin at that point from the chilly air, I didn't move an inch.

   His arm pulled me close, pressing my body flush against his. I hated the fact that even with the situation of things then, I found out I could still fall under the effect of him: his ability to make me swoon with just the simplest of actions.

   'I love you,' he whispered. Shakily, I noticed. His lips pressed flat against my cartilage. I fought against shivering from the simple gesture because I wanted to turn to him, look at him and allow myself be kissed by him. 'You know that?'

   Did I?

   Not lately, no.

   Seonghwa got nothing but silence. He sighed, scooting away slightly—subconsciously, I liked to think—and I couldn't feel the steady rhythm in his chest any longer. He always knew how to stay calm and collected.

   'Good night.'

  The next morning, he was gone. Once again, I was left to miss his presence, his touch. Left to wait for that hour of the night when my happiness would return.

   Now, I'm clutching the blanket closer, suddenly feeling the need to get suffocated. I'm sweating bullets, that's for sure, but I'm too far gone to care. My present state of mind imagines the duvet to be him and he is barely there, so it's up to me to keep him close no matter what; notwithstanding the discomforting rise in body temp.

   Then I close my eyes, willing sleep to do its job.