There were two clean cuts on her wrist, they looked deep and painful. "aw baby, they must hurt." I said, she shrugged. "dealt with worse." she said, I looked at her other wrist and saw three cuts, just as deep if not worse. "come on, let me patch them up." I said and she gave me a wary expression.

"siva..." she started. "I'll do it, and your stomach, I'm assuming that hasn't healed." he said, she nodded. "I'm sorry Nathan...I just...siva can...sorry." she sighed. "it's alright, I get it." I said as I watched siva and Ellen walk down the hall to the front of the bus, I singed and stayed on my knees on the back of the bus.

"mate, you alright?" asked max, I shrugged and sighed. "come on nath, get up, we've got to talk about the tour." said Tom, I knew he was just trying to Distract me, and I was ok with that. I stood and walked over.

"ok, so right now we're in new York and we have to go all the way over to LA, which should take about three days, Texas the first night, we should be there within the hour, Vegas, the second and LA the third. Then we go to the UK for a rightful deserved week off, we might be doing an 'I Found You' radio tour after that in the UK, but we aren't sure yet, you ok with this?" asked Tom, I nodded.

Ellen and siva came back in, Ellen had bandages on her wrists siva looked like he was about to cry. "siva mate, can I talk to you?" I asked, he nodded and I led him to the front of the bus. "what happened?" I asked, siva sighed and shook his head. "siva, please tell me, please." I begged, he sighed and looked at me.

"she cut herself before we came." he said, I stiffened. "where?" I asked. "her cut on her stomach, she deepened it." he shivered. "I don't know how the fuck she did it without passing out from pain. It's really bad Nathan, I begged her to let me take her to a hospital, but she refused." he started.

"Nathan...it's really bad, I'm sure it will scar...at the least." he said. "at the least?" I asked. "Nathan, this is the kind of thing people get stitches for, I don't know what's going to happen if she doesnt get them." he admitted. "but...if it's that deep, how can she be walking and running and jumping on me without even letting it show on her face?" I asked, he gave me a somber look.

"apparently years of practice." he sighed. "it's not...like..life threatening is it?" I asked, siva shrugged. "I don't know mate...but why do you think she's always so hungry and tired and pale?" he asked. "I think it's blood loss, that cut constantly opens up and bleeds through her bandages and shirts, that's why she's missing like half her clothes." he said, oh...I hadn't noticed, I didn't do the laundry.

"Nathan, just be careful not to let her do anything that could hurt her ok?" he asked, I nodded. "of course." I said. "what did she do It wi..." I started, he shuddered. "a knife, it'll shock you when you see it Nathan." he said. "you need to be careful with her." he said, I nodded. You know how many times iv been told this? I know I have to be careful with her.

"just make sure it doesn't get infect." he said, I nodded. "be good to her." he finished, then walked back to everyone. I didn't, I just sat on the couch and laid down. Oh fuck, everything just got so much harder. I can't believe she did that. All I wanted to do was go tell her everything was going to be alright and hug her, but...oh god...all the times I've hugged her today and yesterday, was I hurting her?

"Nathan?" whispered Ellen and I looked as she stayed half in the shadows. "what is it?" I asked shortly. "can I come in?" she asked. "of course." I snapped. "you just...you just seem so angry." she whispered, oh god the fear in her voice. I instantly changed my tone. "no love, I'm not angry, come here." I said and she slowly crept closer.

"I'm not going to hurt you, honest." I said and gave a half hearted smile. "what were you thinking about?" she asked. "why?" I replied. "because...you just looked so angry and sad." she whispered. "I was just.." I started, not wanting to tell her that I was thinking about her. "you were thinking about me weren't you." she sighed, sat down on the couch & looked down.

I gripped her chin between my thumb and forefinger and pushed her chin up, making her looked at me. "yes, I was, I was scared I was hurting you, angry at myself for being ignorant to your emotions and feelings, I was sad that you were hurting." I admitted.

She let out a breath and looked at me. "don't be, you aren't hurting me." she said. "Ellen, I know about your stomach." I said, she flinched. "sorry." she whispered. "dont apologize for that, just don't do it again, I hate seeing you hurting." I admitted, she looked right at me and I saw guilt in her eyes, then she looked at me and said. "Nathan, there's something I've been meaning to tell you, please don't get mad but..."

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HOLY MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD IT TURNS OUT IM SCARED OF SMALL PLANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been on about four to eight planes a year since I was two weeks old and I flew from Texas to new York. I'm nervous around them, as I should but, but I can deal, I just got off the smallest fucking plane in the world, there were only ten seats, in rows of two. It was fucking tiny, no engines, just propelers, you could see the cockpit OH MY FUCKING GOD I NEARLY HAD A PANIC ATTACK!!! then when got off I was so light headed I nearly feel over and passed out BUT, I'm ok now, it's over, so im giving you guys another chapter, YES YOU GUYS ARE LUCKY IM SPOINLING YOU TODAY!!! happy fuciing birthday to all!!!! Lol, anyway, enjoy, vote comment and fan & go check out my other fan fictions 'can see you coming' and 'we'll never grow old again' ENJOY!!!!!!!!!

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