The Calm before the Storm

Part Five

Its been two days since i've spoken to Matt and i feel terrible. Im vommitting in the mornings when i think about him and Joe and my emotions are running out of control. I think i need to see a doctor, im booking an appointment for this afternoon. I just cant grasp reality, i think everybody around me is out to get. That all the males want to do is rape me, attack me, make me vulnerable and weak, like Joe already has.

My world is falling apart slowly. I wish Matt had just let me die. Someones knocking on the bedroom door.

"Matt?" I asked

"Uh No, this is the television repairman, i have akey to your house and let myself in." said a sarcastic voice.

"Of course its Matt, Sarah. Can i come in?"

I got up and let him in, he had a hair cut, he looks much older with shorter hair.

"Nice hair Matt" I smiled.

He looked at the ground, and blushed. Matt, blushing? Wow thats hard to believe.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay Sarah, i havent heard from you in two days, i was getting worried."

I looked down at my feet.

"I'm fine Matt, im going to the doctors today, im feeling a bit, odd."

Matt looked afraid "What kind of odd?"

I suddenly realised what he meant "Matt, i'm not going to kill myself, ive just been feeling ill, must be something i ate."

He looked relieved and embraced me in a long hug.

"I dont want to lose you Sarah, okay?" I smiled at him and hugged him back i could smell his cologne and his warm chest pressed against my face.

"You wont lose me Matt" my heart started to beat faster again and we both looked at eachother longingly, i leaned in for a kiss. But Matt pushed me away.

"I cant do this Sar, i mean Sarah, not yet." he sat down on the bed, my face flushed red.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. matt looked up at me and pat the bed next to him, just like Joe use to. But, strangly enough it didnt get to me, it had been nearly a month now, and it seems like im finally getting over Joe, well just beginning to anyway,small steps.

I sat next to him and he looked at me, his eyes glassy with tears.

"Sarah, i never told you about Marcus, did I?" I shook my head entrigued.

"Well, Marcus is, was, my best friend, not anymore. Last year, i dont know if you noticed, but i missed nearly a month of school."

I nodded, although i cant remember, i'd missed so much school last year it was kind of hard to remember.

"One Saturday night at a partyMarcus did some drugs, Ecstasy pills, he took five, he was having some trouble at school and well, lets just say he couldnt deal with it. He overdosed and died in hospital. I was meant to be at that party with him but didnt want to go, i didnt like the crowd he was with. If i was there he wouldnt have died. I wouldnt have let him take the pills. When i saw you on that roof, i knew you were on drugs- i couldnt let another person die when i could have helped them."

"So what your saying Matt, is that you didnt care about me, you just saved me because of your guilty conscience?" i said angrily getting up off of the bed. I went to leave the room but Matt grabbed my hand.

"Dont be silly Sarah, i care about you, i care about you so much." I looked at him so harshly i could have burnt a hole through him.

"Yeah Right" I said and left the apartment slamming the door behind me.

**

I waited for my appointment for an hour, because i had gotten there so early. I couldnt bear being with Matt right now. A few routine tests, urine test, vision, reflex et cetera and the doctor said he would give me back the results in about a week to a fortnights time. Although he doesnt think there is anything worng with me. But i feel like there is. I dont know why i keep snapping at Mat, im so emotional, angry, happy, lustful, sorrowful. I just dont know.

I got back to the apartment at about 7pm after some serious shopping time. I think i may have been to harsh on Matt. I bought him Chinese, just hope he hasnt eaten already. The door to the apartment was open and there was a note stuck to the door.

Sarah,

I needed some space, i think you do too.

I'll be back in a couple of days to let you cool down.

Matt x

He's gone? Great. I always stuff things up. I cant do anything right. The tears begin to roll in i start to sob uncontrollably and i cant stop. I pick up the phone and call Matt but it just rings through to voice mail.

"Matt please come back, i need you here. Im so so sorry."

Beforei hang up the phone the most agonizing pain rips through my lower stomach. I yell out in agony, this pain is followed by several others.

"Goddammit Help!" I yell out, no body can hear me.

I crawl the bathroom and rip off my clothes and run the shower extremely hot, maybe the heat will soothe the pain. As i stand up blood starts to trickle down my legs and the pain gets worse the drops of blood become a gushing blood bath the bathroom looks like a scene of a massacre. I scream louder as the pain becomes more severe as i sit on the shower floor whimpering. What's wrong with me? The pain begins to ease. Naked on the shower floor, i'm helpless.

"Sar, Sar?" I hear a frantic yell, blurred as i slowly fall into the darkness.