Married and not in love!!!

Moving on

Moving on

Ayse and kerem sat quietly in the yard looking out at the city lights and the night sky. Their conversations kept rolling around in their minds on auto repeat.'Would dad believe it. Would you believe it. I dont know'.

Just then a shooting star sped across the night sky. "Did you see that", Kerem exclaimed excited. He could be such a kid thought Ayse. "Yes ", she smiled. Of late they had begun to talk to each other without words. He quickly closed his eyes and made a wish - 'could it all come through. Will she love me. Let her love me'. She made a wish too, 'Let him be happy and get all that his heart desires'. She was thinking of his ambition to take over the reins of running Modamu. "Did you make a wish Ayse"

They sat in silence for a while and then went back in to their room and their usual existence. The company worked on survival mode for the next two weeks as Muhsin baba recovered in the hospital. Kerem admired his resilience. His dad lapped up all the attention but never whinged. Kerem felt silly for having made such a fuss over his ankle sprain after Ayse's car crash. ( that reminded him- he should get her to learn driving sometime) When the going got all too much his dad seemed to push himself further. Soon he was doing laps of the ward befriending every nurse and physiotherapist. He was a charmer for sure. Ayse spent hours with him and silently smiled looking at his progress each day. She knew who Kerem had taken after. She had brought her books to the hospital to work on while she spent time with Muhsin baba. And when she went to work Kerem and Samet took turns staying with him. As he slept soundly she watched him. She felt immensely guilty. She had lied to him about marrying Kerem for love. They had been quite blatant. She had lied time and again. When did she change into this lying pipsqueak. She had been the one who started it all. Yes Kerem came along as he had something to gain but it was her words which got them into this. She could not for the life of her figure out how she could set it right.

 Kerem sat in his office trying to concentrate on his work. Muhsin baba had started to talk to him about taking over the company. While he was excited he was starting to get scared that this would mean Ayse would leave him. He could not have that happen. He needed her around. He felt secure in her wisdom and advice. He couldn't escape the fact that no one else excited him. The fun in sleeping around and randomly flirting with strangers was gone. He longed for her. He was surely not in love was he. He was mortified with the thought. Maybe he just got used to her being around and annoying him all the time. But he knew how she cared about him , how she quietly let him know this even when she was annoying him no end. Maybe when she leaves he would be fine and recover back to who he always was. But he didn't want to be like that anymore. Hell, how he wished he never had been like that and Ayse would have loved him. Now he had the chance of a snowflake in hell to win her respect. He knew she had a soft spot for him but would that become love. He thought of all the things he admired about her, her intelligence, her naivette, yet how she flared and got all feisty when she felt wronged. He had actually never met a girl like her in his life before. She had a strong sense of right and wrong even if he didn't agree with her all the time and she had the guts to stand for what she thought was right. She would never be a pushover. He knew she was devoted to his dad and spent all her time with him at the hospital while his mom was busy keeping up appearances in the club and Hulia was busy updating her social media profile. Ayse was ready to face Ryza's ire if he discovered about their fake marriage if it would mean she could have Muhsin baba back. How lucky was muhsin baba. He loved walking in on their conversations which always seemed so animated with Ayse beaming her beautiful smile. He envied how she related to his dad and wished he could gain the same respect from him... and her.

Finally the day arrived for Muhsin baba to come home. The whole family gathered at home while Kerem dragged a reluctant Muhsin from the journalists as he announced handing over the company to Kerem. Kerem wanted Ayse to continue to play along with their charade even when Ayse insisted that they let baba know. Part of him was scared that baba could get more sick as the doctors said. Part of him was scared Ayse would leave as there would be nothing to hold her back.He used every opportunity to hold her hands, to make up stories of their movie nights and to kiss her. He hoped he could stir her to feel something for him. Surely he was Kerem Yigiter, a charmer for whom women fell in droves. Why was this woman being so difficult. It would hurt his pride to yield to her. He was sure he was not her type. She never failed to call him out as a pervert, narcissistic selfish idiot, jerk. She would love an academic book reading sober guy- the very thought riled him. He felt his blood boil at the thought of people like Muammer- a Harvard going bright brain. What did the guy say when he hit him - he thot that Ayse didn't love Kerem as Kerem was constantly jealous around her. Kerem felt vulnerable like he was going to lose her. He was running out of ideas to keep her tied to him.

Ayse stayed back at home off work that day as Muhsin baba had just come home. The home was abuzz and Muhsin amja was really hilarious with his sudden love for facebook and instagram. He cracked her up.

She checked her emails on her phone. She had been waiting to hear back from Bosphorus university and hoping like hell that she could transfer her course to do it here in Istanbul. But the email notified her that it couldn't be so. She also heard back from Heceteppe university- they would not hold her place any longer. She would need to join in 3 months or forfeit her position . She was happy she did not have to do the entrance exam again but she had a lot of studying to do to be on par with the other students. 

In the midst of all the chaos of the past few weeks she felt she had some clarity finally. Now that Muhsin baba was back and well and Kerem had got what he wanted (when he entered this lie of a marriage that they lived) she felt she was okay to go. Moving to Ankara sounded daunting but she would be brave and do it. She scoured the internet for places where she could live near the uni or on campus. Her salary from the shampoo ad campaign would come in sometime soon. She could use it to start off. Then she could find some work there. She would survive. Heceteppe was the best uni for her and this time her brother couldn't stop her. 

She would separate from Kerem. Much that she found him charming and deep inside her she felt something strong for him she couldn't bring herself to call it love. She remembered the number of times he insulted her with his behavior and his words. She would not let herself be dragged into the mud of despair anymore. Not after what she went through with Burke and Gonja. Kerem gave her no reason to respect him. He still prided himself on being a woman's man. He emphasised thay she would never be on his list. And what hurt most was when she said she knew others called her naive,stupid , and a good digger who put up with her unfaithful husband he questioned her if it was not so. Even his false declaration of love with the drama in her mahalla irked her. For a brief period she thot maybe he loved her or felt something for her. She even told her dad at his grave. Then she discovered that it was all a game he played to retrieve her back to fool his dad as he had reduced the time to one month. 

Yelda's words came back - you will always be an embarrassment to him- no matter how hard you try. Yelda had told her she would rejoice when they separated. She knew Yelda was meeting Jayda still, even after Kerem fired her. She remembered how Kerem danced with Jayda and how happy and natural they looked together. Jayda loved him inspite of knowing all about his affairs. Ayse had upset their peace. She would leave quietly and they could get back to their lives as before. Hopefully Muhsin amja will accept that she needs to go for the sake of her studies and eventually she would sign the divorce stating she has moved on. She knew that would be the end of any love from Muhsin amja but she could not see a way out. That would be her punishment for lying to him in the first place. The price she would have to pay. That hurt the most. In all her life he was the one she trusted most apart from Ryza. Now she stood to lose them both. But it had to be done. But would she be able to lose Kerem. Strangely her soul stirred deeply within her in a restless ache whenever she thought of leaving him.