Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches

Chapter 5: Unresolved Sexual Tension

"Run?" Liam looks so pathetically lost, clutching his basket to him like a lifeline. "Run whe-"

Footsteps squeak across the tile in the next aisle. Louis rolls his eyes.

"This is for your own good," he says, and yanks the basket from Liam's hands before pulling the freezer next to him open, shoving Liam into it with a rough push to the small of his back. Liam stumbles, falling backwards into the rack of frozen chicken cutlets, sending several metal shelves toppling over.

Louis slams the glass door shut in his confused puppy-dog face and turns just in time to see Zayn round the corner, pushing the cart with a carefully selected bunch of bananas sitting primly in the child's seat.

"Have you gotten the-" Zayn pauses. "What's in the basket? I sent you for milk."

"Oh, you know, just some stuff I thought we needed," says Louis airily, and places the basket in the cart. "Come on, now, didn't you say you needed cereal?"

"I didn't. And- are those diapers?"

"My- my sisters. They need them?" Louis doesn't think any of his sisters would be too pleased to hear that, but then again, Zayn often forgets the name of their apartment building. It's doubtful he remembers the exact ages of all Louis' many sisters.

Zayn looks unconvinced. "Do they need the strawberry-flavored condoms, too?"

Louis' eyes widen, and he leans over to check the basket. "Good Lord." He'd underestimated Liam, it seems.

There's a huge crashing sound from inside the row of freezers. Zayn looks up, frowning. Louis jumps in front of him, waving the jug he's still clutching manically. "Look, Zayn! I got milk!"

Zayn barely spares him a glance. "That's orange juice, Lou. And what was that?" There's another crash. A woman walking by the aisle glares at them.

"Oh, you know these Walmart freezers! Unpredictable, they are!" Is Liam giving birth in there? "We should go look at the cereals."

"I- Lou, we still need milk."

"We need cereal, Malik! I really need some Honey Nut Cheerios!"

"I didn't know you felt so passionate about heart-healthy cereal, Louis." Zayn's giving him a Look. "Why don't you want me to get milk?"

"God, I just- I just hate milk. So much, you know? In high school- oh, man. I'm having war flashbacks." All of Louis' colorful history of subpar school plays is really serving him well now. He twists his face into an imitation of extreme disgust and mimes shoving a finger down his throat. (Louis' high school teacher was always ragging on him for his 'lack of subtlety'.) "I think I may be, in fact, lactose intolerant. Now, cereal?" He tugs on Zayn's sleeve, attempting to spin him in the other direction.

Zayn blinks down at him. (He, on the other hand, has never made any attempt to make up for their height difference, yet another reason Louis is glad he's fake-dating Liam and not Zayn.) "Cereal's this way, Louis." He glances down the aisle.

"No it's not."

"It's- we go to this Walmart every week and you don't know where the cereal is?"

"I've changed my mind. I don't want cereal. I detest cereal. You know what we really need? Bread. Let's stop by the bakery!"

"Louis, I swear to God-"