Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches

Chapter 4: Orgies

"Hey, Louis isn't here right now. Please leave a message after the-"

"Louis, I know that's your actual voice and not your answering machine. Sit down. We need to talk."

Louis gives a huge, exaggerated sigh and flops down on the couch. His head lands in a plate of pizza that Zayn has left propped up against a cushion, but he can't find the energy to care. It's early morning on a day he doesn't have work. He's not wearing pants. He's not going to worry about whether or not there are bread-based junk foods smeared in his hair. "Yes, Greg, buddy, boss, sir, what is it?"

"A customer came into the shop today, Louis."

"A customer? No. A customer in the shop?" He's probably laying on the sarcasm a little thick for nine in the morning, but then again, bitter mockery towards others is one of his defining trademarks.

"One that said he'd had some photos developed yesterday."

Louis can play dumb. Louis is very good at playing dumb. "Did he now?"

"Stop playing dumb."

Okay, so maybe Louis isn't so good at playing dumb.

"He said that a certain gentlemen at the shop-"

"Are you sure it was me? It's quite possible he could have mixed me up with someone else-"

"-described the lad as 'small, loud, and obnoxious'-"

"Okay, sure, this sounds bad-"

"-gave him an envelope of developed photos-"

"Well, that's what he asked for, isn't it?"

"-that were not from the roll of film he handed in-"

"I'm not even small, it's probably a different guy-"

"but were instead black-and-white photos of plastic horses-"

"They were My Little Pony!"

"He politely suggested it might have been an innocent mix-up-"

"Honestly, Greg, do you not even know what My Little Pony is-"

"-but when I looked in the darkroom, his photos were nowhere to be found-"

"C'mon, sing along with me- My Little Pony, My Little Pony-"

"-and I thought, wow, maybe Louis knows something about this!"

"-I used to wonder what friendship could be-"

"because- are you singing?"

"-until you all shared- no. What? No. What?"

"Louis. Why did you steal Nick Grimshaw's personal photos?"

"Oh, come on, steal is such a strong-" Louis frowns. Wait a second. "Wait, why did you just say his full name like I should recognize it?"

"Because you should recognize it. Because I recognized him. And because you, apparently, totally and completely ripped off the most famous customer we've ever had in the shop."

Famous? Louis barely contains a derisive laugh. "Wait, hipster dude? He's famous?"

"Come on, Louis. He's that semi-successful radio DJ, remember? On that station you always change if it's playing during your shift because you need songs that "actually are made of music" to work to?"