My Beloved Mikasa | Book Two

Chapter Eight

It's been a while, and I have calmed myself down.
I must apologise to Mikasa, now.
I was being such an idiot, and what I said came out completely wrong.

So wrong.
I wish I could take it all back.
She was trying to comfort me and in return, I treated her like shit.

I exhale, and prepare myself to face her.
I open the door to my bedroom, Mikasa is not sitting on the dining table or the sofa in the living room.
I wonder where she is.

I look through to the back garden; she's not there either.
I'm start to panic now.
I dash for the front door and open it.
"Mikasa!" I shout. My only response are the birds flying from the trees.
No, where is she?!
"Mikasa!!" I call out again, and there is still no sign of her.
I run back inside and look everywhere I can.
The shed, all the bedrooms, the attic, the basement: all the rooms you could think of.
When I check the stables, I see that Mikasa's horse is gone.
She's not here...
Fuck.

I feel my legs give way, I drop.
The pain in my throat is shortly relieved, as I start to cry.
"Mikasa..." I mumble. My cheeks begin to sting and itch, but I don't care.
I'm so stupid.
Why, why?
I feel a gagging sensation, and I enclose my eyes in my hands.
I can't believe this. Where is she?
It's all my fault! Anything could've happened to her, anything can happen to her, and I won't be there to help her.
What have I done?

* * *

It's late now. I'm still in pain, and I won't let Mikasa escape my thoughts.
The least I can do is pray for her safety.
The cabin feels empty without her, and I feel hollow.
I can't stop worrying.
I'm so scared, so, so scared.
I grip on to the blankets tightly.
"What are you doing, Eren?" I ask myself frustratedly.
I have one thing to do. Just one thing.
I've got to find her, but where do I even look?
It doesn't matter, because I will find her.
No matter what.

* * *

I'm very grateful for his horse, I wouldn't know what I'd do if I had to walk.
I've got a coat to hopefully sustain a decent amount of heat, some food stuffs
and a bag of camping supplies and tools.
The wind is harsher than usual, but luckily it doesn't it affect my horse's walking speed.
She couldn't have gone far, not in a few hours. I don't know how fast she travelled, however.
Damn it.
I flip the reins, and my horse develops speed.
I avoid the forest and take a different route; Mikasa wouldn't have gone through there. That would lead to the beach.
Actually... She might have went there.
I quickly turn around and go in that direction.
I see the moonlight shimmers on the ocean, and as soon as we step on to the sand, we stop. I look from left, to right, to left again.
She's not here and I don't even know if she has been here either.
I wipe my face with both of my hands, and prepare to head back.

* * *

It's been so long. It's so painful, how long this is taking.
I just want to see her and say how much I love her, and how sorry I am, for everything.
The horse has slowed down now, out of fatigue.
I lay my head on its mane.
I'm so tired.
That's not going to stop me from searching for her though.
I close my eyes, and I feel myself drift off slowly...
That's until I feel a light shine in my eye.
I squint and then open them.
A light post. Wait, what? A light post?
I lean up immediately, and I stare at it as we move further and further away from it.
I turn around, and there's another!
The lantern is hooked onto the wood and a small light flickers inside, shining a dim, little light. Enough to guide us through the now dark lands.
As I look ahead, there are more lanterns in the distance. Relief flushes through me as I realise something.
There are more humans out here.