HEARTBEAT

"HEARTBEAT" by:White Devil Shin

"Baby open your eyes" bulong ko sa kanya at maya maya ay gumalaw ang mga mata nito. He smiled at me when he saw me.

"I love you" saad niya at hinaplos ang buhok ko.
"I love you too" i said and kiss him on his forehead.

Inalalayan ko siyang maupo at isinandal ang likod sa malambot na unan ng hospital's bed.

My boyfriend is now suffering in stage 3 brain cancer. A tumor on his head need to undergo with different kind of operations. His pain gives me a thousand times of sadness.

Habang pinapakain ito ng niluto kong sopas ay mariin itong nakatingin sa akin. His eyes are saying something.

"What?" Natatawa kong tanong dito.
"You're beautiful" his words took my whole strenght.

I just smiled at him consciously.
"Baliw! Kumain ka na nga"

Ng matapos ay muli ko siyang hiniga. He's still staring at me. I kissed him on his forehead at pumikit ito.

Nagpaalam ako sa kanya na mag-c-cr lang. Since private hospital to at nasa V.I.P room siya ay meron itong sariling comfortroom.

I'm washing my hands when I heard him shouting and some stuffs are like fell down on the floor.

"Love?!" Nag-aalala kong tanong paglabas ng cr ay halos nanlumo ako sa nadatnan ko.

He is sitting on the floor while hitting his head on the wall because of so much pain.

"Ang sakit Lalaine! Ayoko na!" Umiiyak nitong sambit. His words hits me again. Agad akong tumakbo papalapit at niyakap siya.

"No please Kyster don't do this again" I said and started to cry. Seeing him in pain is like Death on me.

Wala man lang akong magawa para mabawasan yun.

Maya-maya ay kumalma na ito at inalalayan ko siyang mahiga muli sa kama niya.

"Baby, can you lay beside me?" Saad nito at umurong ng kaunti para bigyan ako ng ispasyo.

Humiga ako sa tabi niya, inilaan niya ang kanyang braso para maging unan ko. I'm now facing his chest and I heard his heart beating. It's like a music to my ears.

Hope it would not stop.

I felt his finggers tapping my head.

This is his way to let me feel that I'm secured beside him.

His way to say that he loves me no matter what.

"Love? Can I sing for you?" A sweet question came from him. I just nod.

He started to sing.

~Paalam na sa ating pagibig
na minsa'y pinag-isa~.

Agad kong iniangat ang ulo ko to see him. Nakapikit ito.

"What kind of song is that?!" I ask him and glare. The song has beautiful meaning, his voice has beautiful rythm, but right now, ayokong marinig ito mula sa kanya. Hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayakap niya sakin to stop me from moving.

"Shh. Just listen baby" Saad nito. Nanahimik na lang ako at hinayaan siya sa trip niya.

~Paalam na sa mga pangakong
Di na mabubuhay pa~

He suddenly stop.

"Sorry for disappointing you. Sorry kase hindi ko natupad ang mga pangako ko sayo. Yung dream 18th birthday mo nawala nang dahil saakin, kase mas pinili mong bantayan ako dito. Ang tanga tanga ko kase at hindi nagiingat. Sorry love" Sabi niya na ikinagalit ko. Marahan ko siyang hinampas sa dibdib. At naiyak sa mga sinabi niya.

"I don't regret that! And I don't blame you! Aksidente ang nangyare at wala kang kasalanan" I said.

Yes. It was just an accident. It was my 18th birthday. He supposed to be my last dance. He's on his way papunta sa venue kaso naaksidente siya.

That's why I really hate that day. I really do. Feeling ko malas ako. Kung hindi sana ako nag request ng ganong debut, hindi sana siya naaksidente. Hindi sana siya nagka brain cancer.

Ang tumor niya ay nagsimula sa namuong dugo sa utak niya dahil sa malakas na pagkakaumpog.

Mabilis na kumalat ito hanggang sa lumala. There's many operation na pinagdaanan, but still there's no effect.

~Kung may bago ka nang mamahalin, wag kang magalala ako ay masasanay din~

He took a deep breath bago nagpatuloy. Halatang nahihirapan na itong magsalita pero patuloy parin siya.

"I will never stop loving you from a far kahit nakikita kong may iba na"

Lalo akong naiyak. "Kahit kaylan hindi ko naisip yan! I love you so much to the point na ikaw lang. No buts, no maybes, no doubts. I always want you. Only you Kyster" sabi ko at niyakap ito ng mahigpit. Please wag ka namang ganyan. Don't make it hard for me.

"Puwede ka namang mag mahal ng iba pag nawala na ako. Basta siguraduhin niyang di ka niya sasaktan. Pag sinaktan ka niya, babangon talaga ako just to punch his face!" Natatawang biro nito. But i never laugh.

"It's not funny, walang mawawala ok?" Naasar na talaga ako.

~Parang kahapon lang tayo nagkasama naging isa na siyang ala-ala.
Mula ngayon araw-araw nang mananalangin
Na sana'y lagi kang masaya"

I heard his sob. I just stocked on this position. Nananatiling nakahiga at naghihintay kung may sasabihin pa ito.

"I love you my baby Lalaine Cruz. For the rest of my life until my last day" hinihingal nitong sambit hanggang sa marinig ko ang monitor na nag-ingay, isang tunog na kahit kaylan ay ayokong marinig.

Inilapit ko ang tenga ko sa dibdib niya. There's no heartbeat came from it. No!

Mabilis akong tumayo and shake his body.

"Kyster no! Don't you ever fall into deep sleep. Kyster open your eyes please. Baby please" pumipiyok na ang boses ko, but there's no any response came from him.

Is this his last day? Our last moment together?
No! Don't go! Don't leave.

Umiiyak at nanginginig akong nahigang muli sa tabi niya.

"I love you, until the last day of my life" I kissed his forehead down to his lips.

I positioned myself and took a deep breathe and close my eyes before I.....

Stab my neck using the tables knife.

I felt the pain. But I'm happy.

We will live until forever. Until our last day.

Until the very last beat of our hearts.

~END~