if you need me (BEYNIKA)

5

A WEEK LATER

"BB? You ready?" I heard Nicki said from outside my door as she knocked. I sighed, today was my first therapy session and I really didn't want to go, im just hoping she sees how upset I am and cancels it. She slowly opened the door after me not answering and stepped inside, "Hey, you ready?" She asked gently as I sat on the edge of my bed and sulked. "Come on BB, you can do this, the first session is always the hardest but I promise it won't be bad." She said coming over to me to hold my hands as she crouched down so she could see my face. I sighed and looked everywhere but her, "... Do we have to go?" I asked sadly, I was hoping she'd change her mind but instead she nodded. "Yes we do." She said gently but her face showed she wasn't changing her mind, fuck.

* * * * *

I followed behind Nicki and the receptionist who was showing us to the therapist's office, I really didn't wanna be here, I feel like I'm gonna breakdown any second. The therapist welcomed us but I didnt bother to put on a happy face when I was miserable being here. "So my name is Mrs Jackson, it's nice to meet you both." She said introducing herself, "Hi I'm Nicki and this is Beyoncé." I'm glad Nicki introduced me because I plan to say nothing this session. "Nice to meet you guys, sit down, get comfortable." Mrs Jackson said  and I sat next to Nicki on the couch across from her. "So Beyoncé before we get started I just wanted to ask you some questions... Have you had any experience of therapy before?" She asked and I just nodded, I could see Nicki looking at me but I just kept staring into my lap, I'm already over this shit man. "Okay, then I'm sure you're familiar with how things are done... Are you comfortable? Would you like a water or something?" She asked and I shook my head, "BB." I heard Nicki say softly but I didn't look at her, I could feel myself closing off. "Would you like to start off from your childhood Beyoncé?"... Triggered

"Beyoncé wait!." I heard Nicki shout as she ran after me, I couldn't stay in that room so I walked out. No way am I gonna talk about my childhood, no way. Nicki caught up to me and I felt her take my hand but I didn't react. "Beyoncé please wait-" "I don't wanna do this." I said sadly feeling so trapped. "Bey, Bey just stop for a minute please." She said softly as she made me lean against a wall while looking up at me. "I know its hard to talk about what happened, but its gonna be fine-" I put my hands in my face and shook my head, my chest started to heave as I felt myself lose control. "It's okay Bey calm down please." Nicki pleases rubbing my arms but I still shook my head. "I'm n-no-not re-ready." I stuttered before finally breaking down, I keeled over and burst out crying, "I can't do this." I cried into my hands, I felt Nicki's arms around me I gave it a few seconds and it definitely brought my anxiety down. "We'll go home okay, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. I'm sorry BB." I heard her say as she rubbed my back. "Can you look at me?" I heard her ask softly, it took me a few seconds but I did and she wiped my tears away. "I'm sorry BB, we'll go home okay?" I nodded but looked down, Nicki went back to Mrs Jackson to say were going home and I just sat there against the wall feeling like the failure I am...

* * * * *

I laid in bed staring out of my window, I've been better since we arrived home. I think Nicki got the hint I wanted to be alone since I didn't say anything or look at her since we left the therapy session, truth is i wasn't really mad at her i was mad at myself for being so sensitive.

while laid there there was a knock on my door and it opened soon after. i heard Nicki sigh before she walked over to my side of the bed. she sat on the edge of it and looked down at me. "you okay?" she asked and i shrugged because that's honestly how i felt. "i'm sorry BB... i didn't want to make you upset. i was just trying to help... i shouldn't have put you in therapy this early i'm sorry." she said as she placed her hand on mine. "i know you didn't mean to." that's all i could say really. it fell silent between us and i didn't know what to say. suddenly, Nicki lifted up the covers i was under making me look at her. "can i get in with you?" she asked and without a thought i shuffled back to give her some room. she got in next to me and wrapped her arms around me while laying on my chest. after a second grasping what was happening, i hugged her back and rested my head on her's, she smelt really nice. "love you BB." it felt as if my heart stopped. no one has said that to me before ever. she probably didn't mean it that deeply so it shouldn't be exciting me this much but i can't help it. "... love you too." i felt myself blush as i replied. we ended up going to sleep pretty soon after that and i held her tight because i didn't want to wake up with her there.

* * * * *

i woke up to feeling something rub my back and to little kisses on my cheek. i opened my eyes to see Nicki still laid in my arms, i couldn't help but smile. i tried to control it but it's hard when i'm around her, especially this close. "you feel any better bb?" she asked quietly looking up at me. i nodded, "yeah.", "good, i don't like it when you're sad. i'm sorry i made you do that." she said sadly looking down. i lifted her head up by her chin so she can look at me, i really didn't want her to blame herself. "it wasn't your fault, i'm not mad at you... i'm mad at myself." i admitted making her frown a little. "why?" "because i wish i wasn't this easily triggered... i've never did well with therapists because they don't know how to talk to me. they just see me as another patient... theres no special relationship because im an adult who's life is a wreck-" i explained sadly until she cut me off, "your life isn't a wreck B." i rolled my eyes and sighed, she'd never be able to full understand what i've been through, i stopped expecting that of people a long time ago, it's what makes me so distant. "okay." i said sarcastically looking away. "BB look at me." i heard her say gently and without thinking i did what i was told, she held my cheek and stroked it gently making me calm as i stared into her eyes. "i know i won't understand how you felt, but i don't want you to keep this to yourself either. if you want to, you can tell me when you're comfortable and we can keep it between us. i just want to see you get better and a part of that is letting go of the past. i know it's hard, but you can't let your past define you because it holds you back..." i didn't know what to say, it was true i guess but i just couldn't stop staring at them beautiful eyes of hers. i felt like this would be my one and only shot so i took it. i leaned in and kissed her, i felt explosions inside of me but i tried to keep the kiss as smooth as possible. she felt tense for the first couple of seconds but then began kissing back, which made me smile a bit. we were kissing for a good minute until we mutually pulled away. and now this was the awkward part, what do people say after their first kiss? "sorry." is all i could think to say, Nicki just looked down with red cheeks and a smile she was trying to hide. i don't know why but i feel so nervous, but happy i mean, she kissed me back! "it's okay... i'm gonna um... start dinner." she said getting out of the bed so suddenly which took me by surprise. she left the room and i don't know what that meant. was she happy, shy or did she realise who she was kissing and was disappointed and disgusted so she had to leave? probably the last one.

* * * * *

I made my way to the kitchen after hearing Nicki call me. When I walked in I saw dinner on the table and Nicki filling up our glasses. "I made us Mac'n'Cheese." She said with a smile, "Thank you." I said returning the smile as I went to go sit down, I hope It won't be awkward between us otherwise this is gonna be one long dinner. she sat down and placed my glass in front of me, "Thank you." "No problem... So do you feel better?" She asked making me nod, honestly that kiss made me forget everything I was going through mentally and emotionally, normally drugs would do that for me but... I'd like to do more kissing if that's the case, but the question is would she feel okay with it. "BB?" I heard her say making me get out of my own thoughts and look at her. "Sorry I was thinking." "What about?" wow, I really messed it up for myself here. "... um...-" "The kiss?" She said as she looked up from her food to me with a small smile. "... Maybe." I said looking down making her giggle which made me smile. "It doesn't have to be awkward BB... I liked it." She said bashfully looking everywhere but me, I was surprised to hear her say that "Really?" I asked making her nod as her face turned red, I couldn't help but smile. "mhm... so don't be weird about it." She said with a smile, we both chuckled a little and continued dinner.

—————————————————————

THANKS FOR READING!!!

What did you think of Nicki making Beyoncé go to therapy?

What did you think about Beyoncé's breakdown during the session?

How do you think they will approach therapy next time?

What did you think of Beyoncé kissing Nicki and her liking it?

How do you think they will act from now on?

What will happen next?