Tight Trouser Never Won Fair Angel

Chapter Two (Never Assume There's Only One Mask)

Crowley isn't very good at being a goblin king, but his incompetency is matched by Aziraphale, who somehow failed to notice the goblin city appearing almost literally in his backyard.

-/-

Az: How many layers of incompetence are you on?
Crowley: I didn't notice I was watching a fairy all day.
Az: You are like a little baby watch this

-/-

It was nearing sunset, and Crowley was starting to lose hope of success when he finally saw his chance. The man had taken the boy inside to clean him up and get him ready for bed, but he'd left the back door open for some reason, and Crowley could hear him inside, talking to the boy as he tended to his evening ablutions.

Seeing his opportunity, Crowley slithered down from the wall and made his way to the door, peeking inside and hissing to himself in delight when he saw the boy sat on the floor, his guardian at the sink with his back to the door- and to the boy.

He reached out with his power, drawing the attention of the boy but taking great care not to let the man notice, and after a moment- payoff. The boy had spotted him.

Shhhh, he hissed, and the boy said nothing, merely climbed to his feet and toddled in Crowley's direction. Careful, careful- Crowley pulled back, moving away faster than an ordinary snake would actually be able to.

The boy followed, hands outstretched, cherubic smile belying the mischief in his pretty blue eyes.

In this way, Crowley lured the boy to the gap in the wall. Once he was sure he had the boy, he slipped through, and the boy followed without looking back.

-/-

At that very moment in the house, quite unknown to Crowley, Aziraphale dropped the plate he was cleaning. It smashed to pieces on the floor, and Aziraphale, with an almost absent wave of his hand, restored it and placed it in the sink.

"Oh dear," he said, in a calm tone that implied he would quite like to have said 'oh, fuck' instead.

The air around him changed for a second time, and Aziraphale straightened, spine tingling with an itch to lash out with his power at the man- well, man-shaped being- now leaning oh-so-casually on the kitchen's doorframe. He suppressed this, and instead smoothed down the front of his waistcoat before turning around slowly.

"Oh," he said.

He really should have recognized that snake for a goblin straightaway, he thought, but obviously the goblin king had been masking himself, and Aziraphale hadn't thought to look beyond the obvious. Oh dear, he really had blundered, hadn't he?

"Where is the boy?" he asked, trying to keep the waver out of his voice and failing spectacularly.

"He's safe," the goblin king said, pushing off of the wall and slinking over to circle Aziraphale, and added, "For now. He's in my city."

"Give him back, please," Aziraphale asked, even though he knew it wouldn't work. "I've been entrusted with his care. His parents will be very upset if I'm forced to tell them he was stolen by goblins."

This seemed to give the king pause, and it occurred to Aziraphale to wonder if he knew that he'd stolen a child from a fairy. He opened his mouth to say so, to drop his own mask and reveal the truth, but stopped himself. The goblin king already believed himself to have the upper hand; if he knew what he'd brought on himself, he might be more guarded.

No, better to keep that to himself, at least for now.

"Anyway, he wasn't stolen," the king said, and Aziraphale realized he'd been talking the whole time. The king winked. "He wandered into the city on his own. You're welcome to come get him back, if you like. You'll need to be quick about it, though. If he stays in my city past the thirteenth hour, he'll be in my power for good."

He took something from his pocket and tossed it to Aziraphale, who caught it and held it up to the light. It was an egg timer, a strikingly modern thing to have come from a goblin, and in its center golden sands trickled away the thirteen hours. Aziraphale turned it upside down, just to see, and was unsurprised when the sands continued to fall upwards.

"Good luck, angel."

He looked up from the timer- the goblin king was gone.

-/-

Now, if Aziraphale were dealing with any other goblin king, his accidental tip about knowing that Crowley was a goblin might have made the goblin king in question stop and look a little closer at the figure before him. Said goblin king might have seen through the glamour and realized he was dealing with a fairy king, and then said 'oh, hang on, didn't mean to interfere, have your kid back' and not thought any more of it.

They might, equally, have taken the opportunity for a bit of real cruelty, of course. Goblins and fairies are hereditary enemies, though it's anyone's guess why, and plenty of goblins would have jumped at the chance to get one over on a fairy, if they felt they had the upper hand.

Of course, this is rather moot, because all that happened when Aziraphale revealed he knew Crowley was a goblin was that Crowley had felt a stab of guilt over the idea that he might get this lovely man in trouble with his charge's parents, and Crowley didn't want that. If Crowley were not so- and we must cease pretending otherwise- smitten, a lot of trouble could have been avoided.

And a lot of fun.

-/-

Aziraphale's instincts were telling him to go after the goblin king, to take back the child that was stolen and also do some damage to the goblin in the process. His protective instincts cried out for Adam's safety; his fairy instincts begged him to do harm to the goblin king for daring to trespass in his territory.

Both of these things were counterproductive. As Aziraphale well knew, fairy magic is suppressed in goblin cities. [1] If he ran in blind, he would be going in powerless and completely at the goblin king's mercy.

If Aziraphale had any hope of rescuing Adam, he would need to take steps to prepare himself.

He set the timer on the table, and gave himself a moment to fret before turning on his heel and entering his own fairyland.

-/-

[1] Unless the goblin in question deliberately restructures their entire realm to accommodate an individual fairy's magic, but what reason would a goblin have for doing something like that?

-/-