First Shift

Ch. 18

Dear Raiza,

Sorry for the scare I just thought your deliberations should have a bit of a nudge with only a week left I wanted to make sure you reached a decision by than. Don't worry about the little ones they should all be safe, more or less. The fire was started after the cave had been vacated and the pups a good ways away. I'm sure you pack would have found and save any stragglers.

Your truly,
Azarias
***

I was collapsed on top of one of the desks in the Beta office. Corrigan sat behind her desk going over some paperwork or another. "I don't understand why she is being so controlling! I get she is the Sigma but why does she have to...hover?" I asked Corrigan. After the fire everyone was on edge but Andrea was being slightly impossible. "Kye, she feels responsible for you give her a break." Corrigan muttered half paying attention. "Was Raiza this bad when you made your vow to her?" I asked. "No, I wasn't her first Servari. She was use to the bond by then. Andrea doesn't have the same experience, you are her first." She explained. "But doesn't she feel responsible for all the wolves in the pack? Why is she being so...so clingy?" Corrigan put down whatever papers she had been going over and moved towards me. "She is responsible for every other wolf, those wolves however haven't pledged their life for hers, and she also doesn't need to decide whether or not to hand them over to a murderous vampire." Her hands rested on either side of my head and she leaned down closer to me, my breath hitched as she moved closer. I could feel the spike of my heart rate and the blush that crept up into my cheeks. "Now tell me Kye, why are you so agitated? That mark should be blocking most of the hormones, at least normally," her fingers trailed across the mating mark Azarias had made and I shivered under her touch or the thought of him, I wasn't sure. "I'm fine," I told her and tried to escape her arms, unsuccessfully. "I wonder if the reason you are still experiencing the hormones is because that mark was made by a male. Seeing as your gay your body is probably attuned only to females." She said all this in a half whisper more like she was talking to herself then to me. I rested my hands on her shoulders and pushed her away as I sat up. She moved away, slowly. "I told you I'm fine, if I needed... If I needed you I would have said something." I told her. The truth was that I could probably use Corrigan's help again but for some reason I just couldn't. She sighed and took another step back, she sat on the edge of her desk and faced me. "Alright, alright I was just making sure. Forgive me Kye, but I also worry about you. You understand how important and totally unfair this choice you were forced to make is, and the fact you choose what you did-" I kept of the desk and stood toe to toe with her. "I haven't made a choice. It is not my choice to make. I am Andrea's sworn Servari and my place is at her side, if she orders me to accept this mate proposal that is what I will do. Nothing more nothing less." I said. "It is more than that though, you may not want to admit it but when you swore yourself to Andrea you also knew what path lay ahead. You also made me promise not to tell another soul that your gay. Tell me why was that? Because both you and I know what it would mean. There is no way even Azarias would accept you accepting the bond when it could kill you." She told me. I looked into her eyes and saw the worry there. The bond wouldn't actually kill me but many wolves when bonded to someone who they didn't hold even a basic attraction too were drained of spirit and some lost the ability to shift. "It won't kill me and nothing bad will happen. I don't even know what will happen, Andrea hasn't said anything about her decision." I said. My father, Andrea, Raiza, and Corrigan had been meeting daily to speak about my predicament or to fix whatever trouble Azarais had thrown our way. "You know damn well what it will be. Hell everyone in this pack knows what it will be. Why do you think your father finally gave in to the urge to return? He knows that you will be mated to Azarias for the good of the pack and he isn't going to let you go through that alone." She told me.

She didn't stop there and continued to bulldoze over me metaphorically. "You keep acting like there has been no decision yet but everyone knows what it is and no one is saying a word. When you pledged yourself to Andrea you signed your own contract to become our pack's sacrificial lamb." Neither of us moved as she talked and I felt like I was being attacked. "You sound upset at my choice. Would you rather we tell Azarias to fuck off and let him slaughter the entire pack? Your right, when I choose Andrea I also choose him but what would you have had me do? What other choice was there? You told me the day we met that a Beta's job was to protect the pack, that's what I'm doing and your mad at me?" I shouted. "I'm not mad Kye...I'm sad in a weeks, a week! He is going to come back and I feel like when he does when you tell him your choice, I feel like I am going to loose you. You're pack, you're my subordinate, hell Kye you're my sister, I don't want you to have to suffer." She told me. I wrapped my arms around Corrigan and we stood there in her office for a long time. I was comforting her and she me. The strength of the pack ran through both of us and when we finally move apart I felt better, to a point.