Breathing In

Chapter // Thirty Five

Alex's POV

I hear pounding on my door and bolt up from my bed. I look to my left and expect Luke to be laying there, but it's empty. I want to punch myself in the face for believing all of that wasn't just a dream, and that Luke would come back to save me from this prison of a home. "Alex! Get up!" My mom yells through my door. Luke has made no attempt to contact me in any way whatsoever in the past two weeks, and yet I'm still dreaming about him every night. Each night feels more real than the next.

"Okay, one second!" I shout to my mom, and I hear her footsteps walk away from the door and down the staircase. I roll out of my bed and feel dizzy. I see a bottle of pills scattered throughout my floor. I rub my forehead and stand up onto the floor. I don't remember much of last night, the last thing I remember doing was flushing the blades down my toilet. I walk into my bathroom and see the drawers and cabinets wide open. Everything is thrown around, and it looks like a tornado just hit. As I look around more memories of last night flood into my mind.

I flush the toilet and anger takes over me. I want to numb my pain. I start scavenging through all my drawers, and all I can find is aspirin and cotton swabs. I start grabbing handfuls of whatever I can find and throwing them across the bathroom.

Why hasn't he came by?

Has he stopped caring?

He doesn't care about me. He didn't care when my mom dragged me out of his car. He didn't. He could have. If he did he would have done something. He just sat there. I find a big bottle in the back of my medicine cabinet behind my mirror and without hesitation I swing the lid off.

I walk back into my room and dump a handful into my hands and pour them all into my mouth at once. They slide down my throat as everything starts to get hazy.

How could I care so much about a person who doesn't care about me?

I lean against my bathroom wall and slide down until my knees are to my chest and I'm sitting on the ground. My mom yells for me, but I ignore her. I look around at the mess I've made and cross my arms on my knees. I take a deep breath as my mom keeps yelling and rest my head on my arms.

Why did I do this to myself? I didn't mean any of this, but I can't take it anymore I want my life back, the life I had when I still knew what was happening.

Why did I do this to myself? I didnt mean for any of this to happen, I just want my life back. The life I had when I knew what was happening.

Shes been yelling at me for what seems like five hours, but its probably been about 20 minutes. I stood up from my bathroom floor and looked in the mirror, which was a mistake to say the least. I look physically drained, well because I am.

What if I just ended it all? Nobody would miss me. Luke isn't here, he wouldn't care anyways. I'm done with everything. I'm done with my mother. I'm done with Luke. I'm done with not being able to remember anything. It would be so much easier to leave, wouldn't it? No drama or anything, it would be pure bliss with out these demons taking over my mind. I slowly walked over to my sink and look at all my options on how to leave this world that people call home.

My mind was racing and I couldn't stop thinking about how happy I would be when its over. But there was always a small voice in my head telling me I was selfish, but how would it be selfish if I was leaving for the benefit of myself?

But the question is, how do I began the end?

Luke's POV

I don't know what I've been doing with out her, I miss her like crazy. But I went back to what is part of this mess.

Drugs.

It happens every time I mess up something, I turn to drugs. Its like a euphoria where I'm all smiles and laughter for a bit of my day. I know she wouldn't be happy if me for doing this but i don't see her with me so i don't care. I gave my dealer on speed dial and i cant wait to just have it back in me.

I haven't missed drugs because she was my drug, she brought me the state of happiness that I needed in my life. But with a little push, it was all over in a second. Which is why I need a pick up, I mean its not that bad. Right?

I drove to the alley and picked them up quickly, so I could to home and start my instant happiness.

As soon as I walked through the doors, I dropped everything and decided to start right then and there.

I quickly lit the blunt and inhaled and felt the buzz immediately kick in. Relief over taking my body, but Alex some how finding a way into my mind, only thinking about how disappointed she would be. But it doesn't seem to matter right now.

To loudly, the door slammed open, and there were three very worried boys standing over me.

Calum POV (cuz why the fuck not)

I look down at the tall blonde, blunt in his hand high as fuck. Quietly mumbling about Alex, I look over at Mikey our eyes connecting. I feel little butterflies tumble and flip around my stomach, I lo- wait no I don't. What am I even saying, I'm not even gay.

I shake my head of these thoughts, looking back at the broken boy.