Heartbreak | Patton Sanders

Chapter 2.

Patton soon woke up from his nightmare, a loud scream leaving his lips as he began to cower. He could feel his heart racing in his ears. Cradling himself, he heard his door bursting open with Virgil entering the room. Clearly he hadn't been asleep either.

"Jesus- Dad, you okay?" Virgil asked, sitting down while looking at his condition. Patton was shaken up, sweat dripping from his forehead. All he could do was cry, leaning onto Virgil while sobbing.

The Anxiety persona paused for a moment, before draping a single arm around the Dad side. "You're okay." He whispered, knowing all too well how nightmares worked. They were sleep-killers. Scaring people to wake up, placing them under tension.

"All I want is to be there for Thomas.." Patton sobbed out, looking up at Virgil with teary eyes. Virgil glanced down, raising a brow.

"Patton, what do you mean? You're always there for Thomas. He knows that." He tried to assure his fellow companion, and Patton shook his head.

"I'm supposed to be the core of his happy feelings, kiddo.. I feel like I can't even do that. I can't.. I've tried so hard to be happy so that my sadness wouldn't affect Thomas in anyway. Nobody takes me seriously. Nobody wants to hear me out when I have ideas.. I get ignored, Virgil.."

Virgil felt nauseous, feeling like he was to blame also. He never really used to notice Patton's sadness, because he was so used to seeing him cheery and happy. "Patton.. I'm so sorry." He whispered, before watching Logan running into the room.

"Is everything alright in here? I heard a traumatised scream and had to come check." Logan asked, noticing Patton trembling into Virgil's arms. "Patton.."

"He's fine, Logan. You can go. I've got him." Virgil interrupted, but Logan refused.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Virgil. It is known as my responsibility to make sure nothing that happens between us attempts to affect Thomas." Logan clarified, looking to the two of them.

"It's too late. It already has affected Thomas." Patton mumbled, the other two confused.

"How do you mean, Patton? What are you trying to imply?"

"He said it himself. I'm the core of a lot of his feelings. I failed at my job, Logan. I'm his heart. I'm supposed to help him to be happy. I need him to be happy.. and when he isn't happy, I feel like I've failed."

Logan let out a breath he had held in, sitting down on the other side of Patton before frowning. "Where is this coming from?" He asked.

"I think from the last two part video." Virgil mentioned, sighing as he kept Patton in his arms. "It was a while ago.. When we were all in his room. We were talking about how Patton was the core of Thomas' feelings."

Logan frowned softly. "I believe we all had an impact on that. I'm sorry, Patton. What I said probably didn't help the situation. I understand that you believe looking back at memories can encourage others to feel like there is a reason to be happy. But memories can be hurtful to refer on. Please remember that."

Patton sat up, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes. "I'm just fed up.. Fed up of not being listened to. I try to give ideas, yet I get ignored. I..I want to help Thomas, as much as you guys do.. But now.. I feel like I'm-"

"It's okay," Virgil told him. Patton glanced over, blinking repeatedly to hold back tears. "It's okay to feel sad. It's okay to admit that you are sad. Holding your feelings back or trying to hide them by telling dad jokes.. that isn't okay."

Patton looked back down. "I just don't want to affect Thomas." He mumbled, placing his glasses back on his face. "I feel stupid.." He muttered, while Logan just sighed. "Come on. We can go make some cookies if you would like? If that will make you feel more satisfactory?" He suggested, glancing at Virgil who softly nodded in encouragement.

Patton didn't want to. He knew he wasn't supposed to hide his emotions, but for some reason - He was so used to it, it was just an instinct. He wiped away his tears before nodding, a smile on his face. The others were convinced, so that was good news. "Yeah. I'd love to." He nodded before following the others into the kitchen of the MindScape.

"Satisfactory." Logan gave a nod before standing up. "Wipe those tears and meet us in the kitchen when you're ready, alright Patton? Do not fret about Thomas. We'll check up on him." He then gestured Virgil out of the room, who just stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"You gonna be okay, Dad?" Virgil asked and Patton, once again, forced a smile. "I'm fine, kiddo. I'll join you in a moment." Virgil just nodded and left the room, joining Logan in the kitchen.

Patton let out a devastated sigh, looking at himself in the mirror as he brushed his hair with his fingers, before his mind became a whirlwind.

You could've done better.
You should've tried better. That wasn't enough.

Patton could feel the waterworks kicking in again, wanting to find the courage to just smile and be done with it all. But words hurt, didn't they?

Nobody's going to listen to you.
What if you make him feel worse?

Patton took off his glasses, rubbing his index finger under his eyes before leaning on the desk.

"Patton? You okay in there?" Virgil called out from the kitchen, and immediately Patton placed his glasses on and practised his large and happy smiles in the mirror.

"I'm just your happy pappy Patton." He told himself, his smile getting wider.

"Happy pappy Patton." He repeated to himself before watching his smile become enough to be convincing.

"Patton?"

"Coming, kiddo!" Patton called out before walking out of his room to join the other sides.

Happy. Pappy. Patton.