you weren't the one for me

some things need to be said

first of all i'm not writing this to apologize to you, i'm writing this for my own reassurance that i really AM a strong person.
 
  you were really special to me in ways you could never understand. i ignored every single red flag that was thrown in my direction.

  i stayed loyal to you and loved you even when i couldn't bare to love myself. i've been thinking that i was stupid for everything i had sacrificed for you but i have come to the realization that i was so very naive and blinded with a promise of a future.

  i've never been the person to just pass time by dating. i'm in it for the commitment and loyalty.

  you were my first love but that doesn't mean you'll be my last and i wish i would've realized that sooner.

  i was so caught up with the dream of us lasting, i forgot to love myself and i still need to remember how to.

  in our relationship i feel as if we never really improved each other to be better people than we already were.

  we were stuck on feeling as if the world revolves around us and we didn't care about any consequences. now i'm in a hole you and i dug for me, trying my best to build my way back up to the highest level that i can.

  i have to redeem myself for the damage and harm i have caused against other people for you.

  an issue was that i was so focused on you, everything and everyone that i cared about was blurred in the distance, including myself.

  the duration i spent with you has been completely toxic and dragged me down the deepest i've ever been in my life.

  i'm not blaming you completely for this but you were a major part in that dark time. you had a leading role.

  it's funny i used to be scared of the dark until you helped me overcome that fear. i'm sorry i didn't realize the price i would have to pay.

  now i'm scared of a different darkness. the kind where you cannot see the light in the other end because you're in so deep. the darkness in which you lose yourself and any hope of real happiness vanished into thin air.

  i never want to lose myself like that again. now i need time to heal my mind and teach myself that REAL love should come effortlessly.

  i loved you, i really did but you were no good for me and i was no good for you.

  you were my first everything but i refuse to let you be my last. i deserve more than our relationship had to offer.

  i left you for myself. i need to be loved by myself and with you around that's an impossible task.

  you'll always have a place in my heart but you will no longer have my heart or anything to do with me.

  this is my goodbye to you. i'm letting go and moving forwards with my life.

you will not be missed and neither will any memory of us.