Soulful

Intro

I needed to be successful in order to be happy. Well, that's what I thought until I realized your happiness is the cause of your pain. Its easier to find death than it is to find happiness. He found his death, and I found my pain.... just when we found happiness.

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The world works weirdly. For every action a consequence, for any foul doing there was karma, and for any sadness there was happiness after. I always found myself keeping track of everything that happened. Every consequence I took note of.  I became so scared about the unknown, I became obsessed with knowing what to do. 

My future was planned. I would learn to drive as soon as I could, get into a good university, become a teacher or nurse, and live in a condo with my Golden retriever.  It was that simple. The only point I never told anyone else was that I needed to get out of Vermont. Despite the beauty, Stowe was a small town. Everyone knew everyone, which made it harder to keep secrets.

My desire to leave Vermont blossomed in 7th grade, when I began to understand the once complicated issues of my childhood. Everything became clear to me, who we were gossiping about, why Aunt Shelly's husband is cheating on her, and why my parents left me on the side of a road.

I always knew I was adopted, but never the reason why. Whenever I would ask Patricia, she would shrug it off and tell me not to worry about it. I had always wondered why I was left on the highway. Was I not good enough? I always had endless excuses for my parents and Patricia wanted none of it. Patricia did a good job in giving me a good life. I have a nice room, good clothes, and she is there for me all the time.

When the news got out that I was adopted... life became hell. Kids would tease me about how I was abandoned, and made up bizarre lies about why. After I was harassed for a year, Patricia decided to let me be home schooled for the rest of middle school. Even in high school there were a few bullies, but I chose to hide in the library instead of being publicly humiliated in the cafeteria. Even camping out in the library couldn't save me from one of my most amazing and embarrassing moments ever to happen in my life.

The Lost Poets contest was a poetry contest for aspiring poets in the whole country. Our local library promoted it, and Patricia brought a slip home after work. When I asked what it was, she dropped one of the biggest bombs on me.

"Well, I see you writing in that little book of yours, so I entered one of your poems," she lightheartedly reveals.

"You what?! Patricia, why would you do that!?" I blurted out. Even though I just found out of the news, I already felt like crawling into a hole and living there the rest of my life. 

"Come on, Aspen. This could be such a good opportunity for you. Its your senior year, you need to start thinking about your future," she implied. 

"That's exactly what I was doing," I complained. "Why would you ever do this to me?"

Patricia's facial expressions fell into a frown, and she put the paper down onto the counter in front of me. "Check it out, okay?"

She walked away, leaving me with the slip of paper that would make or break my future. I stared down at the thin sheet for a bit. I knew that Patricia was doing this for my well being, and I felt obligated to read the little pamphlet

So I picked it up, and read it.

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so just a few things before you read the book

TW just cuz 

and this is the first thing I wrote after like 3/4 years so it 100% sucks, but this did take like 2 years to finish so have fun w it ig

also, any variations of this book found online that have been published without any of my consent will be reported and taken action against. :)

i hope you guys enjoy the book!!