Come Back When You Can

Chapter 20: Doubts

"Well." She pursed her lips to a thin line. JC's crying image filled her head before speaking again. "A certain JC was outside, sitting on the floor and looking for you." 

Auden's eyes widened. "I'm so sorry. I'll talk--" 

"Auden, stop babbling." She scolded. "He left when I told him you weren't here. He said he loves you then he walked away crying." 

Auden slumped back on the chair. She dumped the pile of folders on top of Kathryn's table and she didn't seem to mind. She sighed thrice before wiping away a tear then looked at Kathryn who was observing her. 

"I'll tell him not to do that again. I'm sorry." 

"Aud, I'm not actually bothered by it. I'm bothered by the way he bawled his eyes out to the elevator. He must have thought I went in already." 

"He's just-- just" 

"Just?" 

"How do you even restart? Like, sure you'll give a second chance to the person you love but you try to restart and you try to start anew but it doesn't work. There's always some doubt somewhere there."  

"Maybe you should push everything behind? And for real, start anew?" Kathryn suddenly found herself thinking of her and DJ. Auden gave her an annoyed look. 

"No, like I can do that. But if JC does something, say he promises to pick me up at this time and I KNOW he will but there's always a doubt there that what if he forgets AGAIN? I am trying but how do you erase all the doubts? How do you forgive 100%? 

"I guess you should just appreciate whatever he's doing to try and make things work?" Her statement sounded more like a question and her answer sounded more of a hope for herself rather than for Auden. 

"It's not easy. Especially because JC has a habit of leaving whenever he feels like it and then comes back in my life as if he's done nothing. But what about me? There he is when I actually start to think that I can be okay without him, he barges in again. I can't do it anymore. His efforts doesn't matter anymore because I'm full of doubt. I can't even tell him I love him because I'm not sure anymore!" 

Kathryn bit the insides of her mouth. What if DJ's feeling the same thing? He's there and smiling but what if DJ's filled with doubts as well? What If in a few weeks time she finds herself acting like JC? Sitting on the marble floor, waiting for the love of his life to show up. 

"Okay. But you owe him that. Whatever you just said to me, say it to him." Kathryn smiled. "Also, take the day off. You need it. Come back to the office when you've stopped feeling like shit but try not to leave for more than a month okay? Call in someone to be my assistant while you're away." 

Auden stood up and gathered the folders leaving a piece of paper that contains Kathryn's schedule on the table. 

"Best boss ever." Her smile didn't reach her eyes but she tried.  

"I know." Kathryn winked, shoo-ing away Auden from her office.  

She was sat in her office for almost 13 hours straight. Since Auden had taken the day or possibly the month off, she found it hard to get out of her chair and actually stop working. Nobody was giving her food or reminding her what the time was. And currently, while she was editing her presentation for tomorrow it was already 9PM. She looked at the clock and sighed. It's too late for dinner now so she might as well have a midnight snack later, if she remembers. She carried on editing in the next 20 minutes when her door flew open for the first time after Auden left the office today. 

"SECU--" Kathryn stood up immediately, ready to dial an emergency number only to see DJ. DJ who was in his uniform that made him look so annoyingly hot, with his phone in his hand and another with his keys. 

"You're alive." DJ greeted, closing the door. 

"I'm pretty sure I am. What are you doing here?" 

"Check your phone." Kathryn sat back down and grabbed her phone that was under a bunch of papers. "There's like 150 missed calls from you." 

"Not liked. I did." DJ rolled his eyes and put his hands on his waist as he stood in front of Kathryn. 

"I'm sorry. I've got a bunch of study to edit and write for my presentation tomorrow." 

"You're the boss, they can wait for that." 

Kathryn shook her head and faced the computer again then started typing. 

"I'm a responsible boss." She replied, licking her lower lip as a sign of concentration. 

"We should go have dinner." 

"I have this presentation tomorrow so maybe next time?" She looked at DJ with a sheepish look. "Sorry?" 

"But I want to hang out with you!" 

"You're 29. Why are you using the word 'hang out'?" 

"It's because I'm updated with this generation's vocabulary, unlike you. Now, will you please go out with me?" 

"Are you asking me out on a date, Captain Padilla?" Kathryn teased, not even looking at DJ as she spoke. 

"Yes." He answered immediately. "Come on, I saw this Italian Restaurant near your house so I want to try it." 

Kathryn was busy typing away that she didn't really have any smart comebacks. 

"DJ, I have a presentation to finish. And also, I don't want Italian Restaurant. I want KFC." 

"But we had junk food 2 days ago!" 

"Then go to your Italian Restaurant then. I'm really, really busy right now, Captain." 

"Or you might have eaten your dinner with somebody else." DJ said. Kathryn was forced to look up at the slightly annoyed DJ before shaking her head and looking at the screen. 

"I haven't eaten the whole day and I'm not hungry." 

"SEE? Let's go then!" 

"Priorities, DJ." She said. 

"So, I'm not a priority?" DJ asked, still trying to convince Kathryn. 

"I didn't say that. And besides, I want KFC." She was going to push for KFC although she wasn't really hungry. It's just because he knew DJ wasn't going to go to KFC. "Unless, you say yes to KFC, I'm not leaving this office until I'm done." 

DJ thought for about a minute then sighed. 

"Fine, we're going to KFC. Now, let's go." 

Kathryn raised an eyebrow, then shook her head. She shut down her computer and stood up. She grabbed her stuff and headed over to DJ. 

"Can you imagine if we had kids someday?" Kathryn asked, grinning as she typed away on her phone. "You'd be such a push-over." 

"We?" DJ asked, walking to the door. Kathryn looked at him a bit weird but DJ wasn't showing any sign of playfulness. 

"Yeah, we." 

"Oh. Okay." DJ opened the door for the both of them and they walked together to the elevator. 

"You don't believe so?" 

DJ looked at her then pressed the basement 1 button whilst Kathryn held a steady gaze at him. 

"No, I didn't say that. I was just surprised." He said flatly. 

"Oh."