Vents n' stuff.

Y'all ever just... yeah?

So like, have you ever been really tired so you lose grip on your own mind and impulse control, so you disassociate so hard you're watching everything around you just crumble in silence while you're stuck in your head listening to your weird, imaginary voice list off all your insecurities and as soon as it gets to that one insecurity you almost break down in sobs, and when one really minor and insignificant problem arises that's when you fully break down into complete sobs??? And you feel so worthless, sensitive and childish since you're crying over your fucking charger falling off your bed and you can't even keep your own mind in check. But at the same time you feel really numb like..

"tears?? The fuck??? Squire, what are these emotions?"

"Sir, this is called worthlessness-"

"Disgusting. Take it back."

Except your goddamn squire just goes yEET and gives you ALL the worthlessness he can because fucking ANARCHY AND OVERTHROWING THE GOVERNMENT YEAHHHHHH-

But no really I can't stop crying and feeling like shit over insecurities but also numb and unfeeling at the same time and it's such a confusing situation it just makes me cry more.

And the worst part is I want to be null to this but the fact that I'm not completely null, paired with the confusion, and the two dominant feelings, and how I'm starting a whole fucking book just about this is pathetic.

I shouldn't need to vent. Never did it before. I deal with my problems by ignoring them and pleasing the people.

Everyone says I overwork myself and worry over deadlines. Is that another reason for stress?

I can't have fun. I turn my hobbies into jobs I need to satisfy the public with and turn into something strict.

I'm getting off topic to what this was originally about.

Enjoy this or whatever.