𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐘 ☾BUCKY BARNES { 2 }

t w e n t y

Anger, pain, sadness and guilt swirled within her. The feelings so entwined that she forgot where one ended and the other began. Her anger hadn't originally been aimed at Bucky, rather it was directed at herself. Frustrated with all the pain and suffering she had caused.

But when he brought it up, slapping her in the face with the truth, she turned her anger to him. Wanting to suffer in her sad, miserable existence alone. All he had done was try to help her and instead, she attacked him.

It was fear that caused her rage, that hot scorching anger that sought to harm. It was a biological button better left alone. Creating a blazing fire that burned hot but died quickly. Leaving in its wake the black ashes of their relationship.

And she was scared.

She wasn't sure what she was going to come home to. Her words that had been so toxic and made to hurt might have pushed Bucky away. Tearing an irreparable hole in their relationship. The way that she spoke to him, the way they spoke to each other, it was treacherous. Causing pain that would make HYDRA jealous.

And even though she was beyond mad at him, hurt by his words that had also been designed to sting, she didn't want to lose him. After all they had been through, all the pain and suffering, she didn't know if she could survive without him.

Through her entire existence, she had always had someone to rely on. Someone to support her. First it had been Mikael, then Erskine, Steve, Bucky, Peggy, and Howard. And out of those six, two of them were dead. One was confined to a retirement village, another was the one who had imprisoned her at HYDRA and the other one she couldn't be seen with. That only left Bucky, and she had just pushed him away.

She felt tears well in her eyes, unsure of what exactly had caused them. They seemed to be a mixture of angry and sad tears, or maybe tired tears was a more accurate description. She was just tired of it all, tired of life.

Without a conscious thought running through her head, Allie reached into her pocket and fished out her small flip phone. She didn't even stop to think about what time it was when she flipped it open and dialed the top number.

The ringtone sang as she lifted the phone up to her ear, interrupting the otherwise silent night. Holding it with a tight grasp as she waited for the phone call to go through.

"Hello? Allie?" Steve's voice echoed, prompting a new wave of sadness to hit Allie.

"Steve." She cried softly.

"Allie, are you alright?" He asked, urgency filling his tone.

"I stuffed up, Steve." She told him, trying to hold back the now free-flowing tears that fell down her face.

"Tell me where you are. I'll get to you, I'll leave right now." He said worriedly, the sound of footsteps resounding through the phone as Allie guessed that he was getting ready to leave his apartment.

"I can't Steve. You can't be seen around me." She shook her head, forgetting that he couldn't see the action.

"I don't care about that Allie! I care about you!"

Allie let out a little sob at his words, further worrying him. "Steve, please. I just want someone to talk to."

A silence interrupted the two as Steve contemplated her words. Allie nervously drummed her fingers against her jeans, silently begging him not to ignore her. Hoping that he hadn't already traced her call and tried to follow her.

"Alright." Steve relented, sighing."Tell me what's wrong, Al."

"I killed people Steve. I killed 20 soldiers." She murmured, fighting to push the words past her lips. "I can't trust my powers anymore. I can't trust me."