𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 - 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐆

十七

«Okay. When I was seven, I fell in the stairs of my house and broke my right arm. I was playing with my little brother and we were running like mad kids. It was so good to laugh out loud with my brother because when we were very young, we used to fight a lot. Like really a lot. But this day it was my birthday and we just wanted to be good with each other this day.»
He pauses for a second.
«I remember everything of this day.
My mom always told me to not run in the stairs. And I never listened. I fell hard, my arm made a very loud 'crack' sound and I screamed. I fell down the stairs and cried. My brother was behind me and he laughed, I didn't understand that I was hurt. My mom took me to the hospital, and I had a cast for two months. I never ran in the stairs again since this day.»

I look up at him.
«We're done.»

«What?»
He says, confused.

«I finished to change your threads.»

He looks down at his shoulder to see his fresh sutured and now clean wound. The edges are instantly less purple and will probably be less painful too now.

He was so absorbed with his story telling that he completely forgot the pain.

«Thank you, Tae'.»
He says with a small smile.

Tae. Tae.
Tae. Tae.
Tae. Tae.
Tae. Tae.

My eyes are watering, and my breath is block.
I feel like I'm going to faint.
Jaehyun noticed it too.
«What? Did I say something bad?»

«You called me 'Tae'...»
I whisper before falling in tears.

I know how stupid it looks but I can't control it, it hurts so much to hear my beloved nickname coming from his mouth.
«You don't have the right to call me that...»
I manage to say between my sobs.
«I want to die so bad. You're a fucking monster!»
I yell, my body shaking and tears falling.
I can't control it anymore. I'm going completely insane.
A lot of thoughts are coming by my head. All the possible way I have to kill myself. All the bad words Jaehyun told me.
All my fucking pain.

When I look up, I see jaehyun kneeling in front of me.
«Thank you, Tae'.»
He says firmly, almost harshly, patting my head before standing up and going out of the bathroom.
I only stand up when I hear the front door shutting.
He leaved and I'm here, hating myself for being his toy.

Because that what I am right now. A toy.

Jaehyun's toy. He only treats me right when he needs something from me and treats me like a trash the rest of the time.
I'm so miserable.

My phone rings.

You have a new message.
From: unknow number
11:28PM:
I still hate you faggot.

My tears still falling, I open the water to fill up the bathtub. I close my eyes at the sound of the water, trying to take my breath back. I feel like my lungs are burning, like my head's going to explode. I feel so fucking bad.

When the bathtub's full, I undress and let out a moan at the feeling of the warm water on my bruised skin.
I'm entirely cover with hot water, tickling my ribs and warming my cold body.

I take the razor blade that I hide next to the bathtub and cut deep lines on my forearm. One. And two. And three. And more. And more.

More.

More.

More.

More.

Always more.

Always fucking more.

I cut my forearms, my thighs and my belly. Cutting more and more. Deeper and deeper. Opening wide my skin, hoping to sleep well.
I shouldn't do it, I know it.
But I feel so fucking bad.

I take my phone to send a message to Johnny.
The last one.
The finale.

My body is weaker every second. The bathtub's overflowing. The water is red as my body bleed out.

I love you Johnny.

I love you mom.

I love you dad.

I close my eyes,
I'm cold,
I'm tired.

«I'm sorry...»
Is the last thing I can whisper before everything goes black.

'I'm so sorry...'

————————————————
bonjour,

okay guys, here's the chapter.
sad hours are: open.
i almost cried while writing this.

how do you feel with what just happened?
don't hesitate to tell me!
and i say that again, but if you deal with suicidal thoughts, talk about it, don't stay alone. you can message me anytime if you need too.

it's the last wednesday upload, since high school is starting again next week, i'm going to come back to a once a week upload.

since now, i'll upload only the sunday, like at the start, i hope you're not too disappointed but with the school starting again i'll probably not have enough time to write in time if i upload twice a week.

anyway,
next chapter sunday , please look forward to it!

- 𝔃𝓪𝓬𝓴