Shut Up (Boy×Boy)

Chapter Five - Guy

Amelia sits down on one of the three couches splayed across her living room.

"Take a seat," she insists.

I sit down next to her. "How have you been?" I ask.

"Good," she says while nodding, almost like she's trying to convince herself.

"Are you alright after what happened that night?"

"What night?" 

I think she knows what I'm talking about but would rather not touch on the subject. I don't give up however.

"At Pizza Hut," I specify.

She looks down at her hands, "Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

"Really?"

She sighs, "No, of course not. Mason and I agreed that if we were going to move on we'd tell each other. He didn't even mention Megan to me. And he had the nerve to walk on up to us like nothing happened. It's like he doesn't even care about my feelings."

"Then screw him."

"Excuse me?"

"He's changed. He used to always be there for everyone. Now he's making excuses for why he isn't spending any time with his friends, and doesn't seem to care about how any of us feel."

"You don't think this has anything to do with Megan, do you?"

"I don't know. Possibly. But either way he's still acting like a total jerk."

"Yeah, he really is," she says, laughing a little. 

I think that she's relieved that someone else feels this way. James and Tessa usually stay out of drama. They have done their best to ignore Mason, but I think we were all thinking the same thing.

"If he wants to run off with Megan then let him. You deserve so much better," I say.

"That's easy to say but I'm still not over him."

"Yeah. I'm not sure how to help with that."

"It's okay, you've helped a lot already," Amelia smiles, "Thank you Guy."

"No problem."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

She looks hesitant but goes ahead, "What's been going on with you and Tessa?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been hanging out a lot lately. I thought maybe you two were... you know."

"Oh no. Tessa is my friend."

"You don't have feelings for her?"

"No. She's amazing but I don't see her like that," I hesitate before continuing, "I do have feelings for someone though and I've been confiding in Tessa."

"Why didn't you talk to James about it?" Amelia's expression changes like a light bulb went off in her head, "Oh. You like James."

"Yeah," I say, feeling my cheeks and ears turn bright red. 

"I should have known. You've been acting so differently around him lately. It makes so much sense now."

I become even redder, "Is it that obvious?"

"Kind of."

I give her a sceptical look.

"Okay, it's really obvious," she mumbled, "But I don't think James knows."

"I dunno, I think he might be onto me. I don't think he knows I like him, but he's definitely noticed that something is up. There's only a matter of time before he finds out."

"You know... you could just tell him."

I laugh, "You sound like Tessa."

She grins, "I'll take that as a compliment."

My phone buzzes and I see a message from Spencer.

Spencer: I just made lunch, u want some?

"I have to go," I say, "Spencer made lunch."

"Excuses, excuses."

I smile and shake my head. As I walk out the door I can hear Amelia call out behind me, "You can't avoid your feelings forever!"

It frustrates me to know that shes right.

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After running all the way to the house I walk in to the smell of fresh banana bread. It brings me back to a memory I have from when I was around six.

I walked into the kitchen to find my mum making banana bread.

This was in our old house in Auckland. We had a bigger kitchen than we do now, with an island and fancy marble counter tops. It had a singular vase of flowers to decorate. My mum always bought the same ones. Blue irises, her favourite. I miss that kitchen.

I walked up to her and tugged on her skirt, "What are you making Mummy?"

She chuckled, "I'm making banana bread. Spencer requested it."

She had a soothing voice. She had a strong English accent yet she spoke very softly. I miss hearing her voice.

"Can I help?" I asked.

"Of course you can honey."

This was one of the first times I helped her in the kitchen. I got my love of cooking and baking from my mum.

After I mashed up the bananas I looked up into her deep brown eyes and asked a question that I had been wanting to ask for some time, "Mummy, why don't I have a daddy?"

She gulped before crouching down to meet my eyes.

She took a deep breath, "Sweetheart, some kids don't have daddy's. And some kids don't have mummy's. Some kids don't have mummy's or daddy's. There are so many reasons why. Your daddy... your daddy can't be here right now. But you have your mummy, and she loves you to the moon and back."

I have to blink back a tear just thinking about it. Any time after that that I mentioned my father she would say the same thing. That he couldn't be here. Even when I was much older. She didn't want to throw him under the bus, even after he hurt her.

Spencer had told me the truth. He didn't want to, but he thought I should know.

I know my mum wouldn't want me to be mad at him, but I can't help it. Not only did he leave Spencer and I, but he left her. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for that.

I know I shouldn't keep all of this to myself. I know I should tell someone. But I can handle it. Can't I?