Eponine

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🌼 2013 🌼

"Oh come on sugar not again," sighed Laura as she routed through her hand bag for yet another tissue, "hey come on stop," she said one hand on my shoulder turning me to face her so as she might dab at my eyes and fix the makeup my tears were determined to ruin.

"Sorry Lau," I sniffed trying to wipe another tear from my cheek with my sleeve, "look maybe this was a bad idea, I should go home,"

"No," she stopped me again catching my hand as I tried to walk out the door of the venue we'd been hanging around in for the last half an hour, "look, just, just sit down okay, when was the last time you saw your brother? He'll be here in less than ten minutes you're not going home..." she shot me a stern look forcing me back down onto the green room sofa.

"Please Lau," I looked up at her a little desperate, bottom lip quivering. I could feel my eyes brimming again, could feel the tears spilling over. "If it was just Johnny I wouldn't mind but it'll be all his mates too, and look at me..." but I didn't get the chance to finish my sentence and I saw a smile form on her lips as the door behind her opened and I felt a pair of arms wrap round me, Johnny messing my hair up the first opportunity he got.

"Eyup pet weren't expecting yous to be here!" He grinned ecstatic, all lit up on my presence in the room and when my eyes met his I couldn't help but mirror his smile.

He'd been away for so long now, I hadn't seen him for at least half a year. I always got used to the long distance phone calls or the late night Skypes instead of sharing a brew on Sunday mornings, arguing who had the worst hangover and who had had the best night, but when he came home it was always the same. Overwhelming relief, and on today of all days, I'd never been more relieved to see my big brother.

I struggled for a moment, bracing myself, forcing a smile of my own as I turned around and gave him a hug, squeezing my eyes shut and breathing in deeply, trying not to shake or burst into tears all over again.

"Tosser," I smirked doing my best to hold it together until he got distracted by a fridge full of beer or something else instead.

"Laura!" He grinned, "gonna give me your shamo?" He teased her just as he always did, and she rolled her eyes the way she always had.

Johnny was 7 years older than me, we had never been in school together and though we'd always been close growing up, he'd moved to wales for the band when I was 16, and so for the last few years of my life, I'd seen less and less of him.

"Laura this is Bob, Benji, Larry an Van... aka the twats me brother abandoned me for all those years ago," I teased, melodramatic as you like but I couldn't keep the light in my eyes for much longer and so at the first opportunity I excused myself for a cigarette, hoping that no one would follow me.

Outside it was cold and still and my phone couldn't ring to disturb the silence because I'd left it in the dressing room.
For a little while I struggled to light up, flicking the lighter switch repeatedly until I realised it was out of fuel and no matter how many times I tried to spark it up I'd get no joy.

"Oh for fuck sake," I sniffled trying to hold it together. My hands were cold and my thumb was sore like my eyes and my throat and as I sat there shivering under the pitch black early evening sky, rain drizzling down ever so lightly, I felt a little more hopeless than I had before.

I tried to hold my breath to stop the tears but I couldn't and as if on cue, I burst into tears just in time for the door to shut behind me.

"Eponine love you left your phone inside... Someone called Niall keeps...." Van sat down beside me on the back step, trailing off when he tuned into my sorrow. "Oh come on I'm not that bad am I?" He asked with one of those smiles people give you when they're trying their best to draw a laugh through your crying. He placed his arm around me and I shook my head trying to pull myself together because he only ever seemed to see my like this. "Whats wrong darlin?" He asked me a little softer, lighting up my cigarette though I was too upset to smoke it.

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