Heart of Glass [manxman]

Chapter Twenty

"Please, not now. Not—"

"I'm sorry, I—"

"No, Louis, no, please... Please."

"If I could, I would do this. I would give you another day, another week, because it's you. There's not much you couldn't convince me to do for you, even though it's you. I'm not giving you this though. I can't give you this."

"Why?"

The look that came across his face—like I was that pitiful orphan again, like I was that kid that had their ass kicked in training because he had a smart mouth, like I was that kid that Rainier broke and broke again when he found out that I couldn't even succeed on a simulation set to easy on my first week of training—was enough to make me nauseous. It was pity. All my life, I'd never seen pity directed toward me. I didn't want it. I didn't need it. There was no way in hell I deserved it. Right then, I sure as hell didn't appreciate it either.

"Stop looking at me," I spat, gritting my teeth. "If you're going to look at me like that, stop fucking looking."

He took a step forward. "Alexei—"

My back smacked against the window when I tried to take a step back. "Don't. Just don't. Say what you have to say. Say your piece, I'll say mine, we'll get rid of the Aquireign, and that'll be it."

"That wasn't our agreement."

"After I say my piece, you'll want it to be."

Louis frowned, his pity shaping into confusion. "I don't even know where to start."

"It can't be that hard," I crossed my arms over my chest, careful not to pull the IV. "I abandoned you after we lost our comrades, after you lost your baby sister. I've been nothing but a pain in your ass for the last forty years. I've toyed with your emotions for the last two months like it means nothing, like it was a game. I lied to your face and actively worked to preserve a lie I knew would hurt you. I've been stubborn, a coward, a liar... you have more than enough room to start. So go ahead. Start."

Not a single word fell out of his mouth. Instead, he stood there, staring at me with a frown. His eyes kept slipping down from my face to my chest and back up, sliding over my eyes, my lips, my throat, and back to my chest. "You're wearing my tags."

I blinked, glancing down. Right... I'd put them on the night before. I never took them off. "I usually only wear them at night. Today was the first time I'd ever worn them to class, and I hadn't even meant to."

He touched the silver chain around his neck. "I usually only wear yours during the day, and I take them off at night before I go to sleep. I completely forgot last night and slept in them. It's kinda fucked up, isn't it?"

I lifted my glasses, pinching the bridge of my nose. If he wanted to beat around the bush, I might as well help him out, give him something to bitch about so we could get the ball rolling and get the whole thing over with. "Did you know that in two days, my family will have been dead for the last one-hundred-two years?"

"I did know that. I had the day marked to take it off, just like I do every year."

"It was built into my syllabus. I've done it so long that assigning outside work is just habit now. Every year, I throw the day in there. I don't even talk to Jackson or anyone else from administration about it anymore."

"Before all of this, before I knew you were you, I was going to ask you over that day."

"And now?"

Louis shrugged. "I hadn't decided, and then this happened."

Fair enough. I probably wouldn't have wanted to spend the day with him anyway. It would've made me feel even guiltier. "It's probably for the best that you didn't then."