Return II

Chapter 7

Blanket's POV

As angry as I was with her, I was hoping that my mother would come talk to me. Hearing my dad say everything he did caused me to think. I'm not saying that I agree with her decision, but I am starting to see where she is coming from. Though we argued, she did seem to get her point across and I feel bad for hearing her admit that she was once afraid of me. That everyone in my family was once, or still is, afraid of me.

I did not see my mom walking out of the hospital doors until she walked up to me. Anger flashed over me the moment I laid eyes on her and all I wanted to do was scream. I haven't known Natalie nearly as long as she has, yet it seems as if I care for her more than she does. And that says a lot, because it takes quite a bit for me to actually open up and care for another. Outside of family, that is.

When my mom walked away from me and back into the hospital, she left me alone to my thoughts. That may have been a bad idea, but I didn't do anything stupid. And I'm not going to. The last thing my family needs right now is another tragic event. I can't do that to them, and I don't want to be in that situation myself.

It takes me a few moments to clear my mind and decide whether or not I'm going to go back inside. I'm pretty sure my dad is the one who told my mom that she needed to talk to me, because I know she would not have done it on her own. If the two of us were to talk, I would have to be the one to approach her.

And even though she told me she does not fear me anymore, I can't help but think that she still does. I don't like that people are afraid of the way I act. It makes me upset. And as much as I wish I could control my temper, I can't. And I really  wish I could. 

But sometimes it's good because I get left alone quite a bit. I sometimes feel like I have the upper hand—the control, but it is not pleasing to know that people are afraid of the way you act. As if I am actually capable of doing damage. I couldn't harm a person ever. That's not who I am.

Maybe that's why people stay away from me when I'm angry because they think that I will hurt them. How can people look at me and think such a thing? Yes, I do have anger issues, but I don't act upon them.

After a few more minutes of thinking and downing myself, I finally decide to go back inside. 

Just as I'm about to walk through the doors, Prince walks out and I stop in my tracks. I look up at him and he smiles. "Whoa!" He teases and I look down and sigh. He places his hand on my shoulder.

"Why couldn't we come from the same mom?" I ask and my brother chuckles. "Sometimes, I ask myself the same question." He says and I look up. I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it. "But then again, if we came from the same mom, Natalie wouldn't be here. . .I don't think." Prince tilts his head up and looks to the right, then back at me. 

"Well, that doesn't matter, 'cause she won't be here anymore." I say and shove past my brother. I don't bother looking for is expression, because I already know what it is. As soon as I say the words, I regret them. But I cannot take them back. They just fell out of my mouth without warning.

Instead of heading straight to Natalie's room, I walk to the bathroom and slam the door behind me. I'm relieved to find that it is a one person bathroom and that I can lock the door. I do so, and sit on the toilet. I throw my hands to my face and try to cry, but no tears escape my eyes. I am all out of tears, so I just sit there and sob dryly.

Why am I such a bad person? Why don't I think about words and phrases before they jump out of my mouth? Why am I so clumsy when it comes to words? Why do I hardly ever speak, but when I do, say the wrong things at the wrong time? Why am I like this?

Three taps on the other side of the door pull my face from my hands and I stare at it for a few moments. I clear my throat as the handle jiggles. "Someone's in here." I say, my voice cracking.

"Blanket?" My grandma's voice sounds from behind the door and I sniffle. I stand and walk to the mirror. I stand in front of it and stare at the ground. The last thing I want to see right now is my reflection. I hate the way I look.

Three more taps sound and I finally look up at the mirror. My face is stained red and my cheeks are soaked from the tears that I finally managed. I grab a paper towel from the dispenser and wipe my face.

"Yeah." I say and my grandma jiggles the handle some more. I walk over to the door and unlock it. I walk back to the mirror and wait for her to open the door herself. I don't really want to talk to anyone right now, but I need to stop blocking people out and pushing them away whenever I'm upset.

My grandma slowly opens the door and walks into the bathroom. I stare at her through the mirror and she comes no closer to me than she already is. She moves to close the door and I turn around.

"Can we go outside?" I ask. "This is a little awkward." My grandma nods and holds the door open for me. I push past her and walk outside again, not bothering to wait for her.

I stand under the roof of the hospital outside and stare at the sun that is beginning to set. I rest my arm on a smoke stand and breathe in and out as steadily as possible.

"I wish people would just leave you alone anymore." My grandma says and I feel like screaming. I ignore her and she continues after sighing. 

"Blanket, honey, I know how you are. I have been blessed to have the privilege of raising you. You really are a great kid, young man, I should say. You are just like your father. Boy, was he the same way when he was a child. You two are just alike. I remember him coming to me, telling me how insecure he was about himself. But that was because he had outside pressure. From strangers. But you. You, Blanket, you should not feel that way. You should not let people get to you the way you do. You should not bottle up your feelings the way you do." My grandma explains and I turn around just as she begins to explain my dad's insecurities.

I wipe my face, though it is dry, and look up at her. I swallow hard and nod, then stare at the ground once again.

"I know." I say calmly and walk past her, back into the building that is keeping my twin sister alive.