Tainted Soul • Lightwood. [ON HOLD]

T E N

TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of suicide, suicidal thoughts and self hatred. Please be cautious when proceeding.

After his fourth glass of sangria, Justin was walking through the party looking for Alec or Magnus, and to his luck he found them together, with Maryse and Max. He met up with Jace, and the two went out to the balcony to make the others company.

"How much of you is a demon?" Justin heard Max ask. He cringed at the word demon but decided it was not the time to make a scene out of that. "Max, enough. That's not how we treat our friends," Jace scolded. "Apologize to Magnus."

"You can't tell me what to do," Max argued. "Hey, just because you're getting your first rune doesn't mean you can talk to your brother like that," Alec said. "Jace isn't my brother, he is his brother," Max answered back, pointing at Justin.

"Max!" Alec reprimanded. "Mom says you're not even part of our family." Justin's eyes widened when Max said that. He could feel Jace whole demeanor change at the thought of his mother figure hating him.

Sensing this was a family conversation, Magnus took a hold of Justin's arm and pulled him back inside the apartment, the redhead stumbling over his feet. "I'm gonna go over to the bar and to find Logan, you socialize." Magnus gave him a pointed look before leaving the boy alone in the middle of the room.

He stumbled through the people until he collided with someone. "Fuck, I'm sorry." He calmed down as he recognized the person. "Izzy. You're finally here, where have you been?" Isabelle stared at him in disgust. "Out."

"Are you okay? Did I do something to you?" Isabelle laughed and shook her head. "Wow, you act like you've never done anything wrong in your life, Justin."

The redhead stood baffled at the words coming out of his best friend's mouth. "Yeah, I know I'm not innocent, but I think I've worked pretty hard on not getting into any trouble as of lately," he managed to say, doing a good job at hiding his disappointment.

"True, but you're always bringing trouble to us. How I wish we only found Clary and not you. How I wish we only saved Jace from Valentine."

Justin's heart broke in that moment. Where was everything coming from, he had no idea. But it hit him right in the heart and it was crumbling, breaking into pieces. It hit right where Isabelle knew where his insecurities lay. "You know Izzy, I've lived all my life feeling like a second choice, feeling and knowing I'm not good enough. I don't need you to remind me of something I've always been aware of."

With that, he left a stunned Isabelle standing there, confused about what happened and why did he say that. He left with tears in his eyes and a heartbreak he never thought he would feel.

➰

Justin was minding his own business, wallowing in self-pity, when he saw Magnus, Isabelle, Jace and Maryse run out of the house and to the roof. He furrowed his eyebrows and followed after them to see what everything was about.

He stumbled outside just in time to see Magnus lowering Alec to the ground, unconscious. "What the hell happened?" Justin yelled in question. He ran forward and dropped to the ground beside his boyfriend, caressing his hair.

"All of the sudden, he started talking about how I hated him for killing mom," Clary answered. Justin sighed deeply; he knew Alec still felt guilty about what happened to Jocelyn and was still blaming himself. But it hurt him knowing Alec was having those horrendous thoughts and was willing to talk to him when everything blows over.