——♡——
To love without being loved back.
How does it feel to love someone who doesn't love you back? To give your heart to someone who doesn't reciprocate his? To desiderate someone who doesn't want you?
It hurts. It pains. It aches.
It's like a thousand knives being gored in your heart everytime. Crushing the every bit of your desire for him, crumbling the every last bit of hope to have him.
Glimpses of him is heaven. Getting close to him is paradise. Touching him is an infinite bliss.
I've always wanted to bring back the times my heart would beat in a blistering pace whenever he's near me. The times a thousand emotions would churn inside me as I act hysterical beside him. The times my feelings would burst in vast rays of happy explotions.
His smile that suddenly makes moments freeze as I spin his world. He makes me his captive. He's unblemished, so perfect and flawless. Too immaculate for my own being.
But then, everything starts to disperse.
I should've held back, swallowed all my sentiments till I burn out. I should've kept this foolish heart caged, immured as it cries endlessly.
I shouldn't have said I Love You.
Three words that broke the last string I clenched. The string that held the tiny scintillated hope I had. The chance of calling him mine faded like dust.
I stare at the beautiful landscape infront of me. The cool breeze touches my skin as I watch the leaves falling so lightly from the branches, the grass dancing as it sways by the wind, and people as they skip happily by the milieu.
Two silhouttes standing not too far away caught my sight. The boy held her waist ever so gently as if she was his most delicate possession whilst he kissed her so tenderly, full of love and endless devotion. Everything was a splendor yet tears were pouring down my cheeks.
It felt like unbounded pain. Seeing him so happy with someone else... Someone that isn't me. I was once that someone who was always there for him, that someone who was so selfless when it comes to him, I was once his bestfriend.
A bestfriend whose feelings grew to desire more than just a friendship. I yearned for his attention and lusted for his love.
I started to walk away from the sight as tears blurred my vision. The wind passing by apace, as the clouds casted the gloomy sky aloft. Droplets of rain started to fall leisurley as I tilted my head to look above, feeling the gray, dreary atmosphere.
As minutes transpired, I was already dreanched, and the rain became a sudden downpour. A ravishing downpour as tears streamed down my cheeks coeval with the raindrops.
I was a shattered glass with no hopes of bringing back it's lost fragments. A star with fading lustre, turning so dull.
I felt so broken.
But i'm a riven heart, waiting for him to complete me. Only him.
Or maybe.. someone brought by my true destiny.
Drops of rain seemed to stop as I slowly opened my eyes only to see a red umbrella shrouding me from the rain.
My eyes slowly drifted to see a hand and slowly drifted to see you.
You described as a young man, about my age. With deep black orbs, well defined soft but strong touches, brunette boy, pale but not too much and fine.
As our eyes met for the first time, I saw sympathy.
"You're crying." Your voice was surprisingly a deep husk. And for some reason, it settled me the feeling of warmth under the shivering cool wind.
"H-how can you tell?" I say as I shifted my vision away from your eyes that seemed to slowly consume my senses.
"Tears do flow slowly, they remain and stain." Your voice calmed me as I was already cought up in the moment.
"Why?"
"Because pain takes time to heal. It stays for sometime but, it'll pass. It might hurt a lot now but, little by little, it will mend."
I watched the every brushing of your lips as they muttered every word you said. Words that fiddled with my broken heart.
And as our eyes met for the second time, it was then, I saw the stars. I was once a somber galaxy with no sparks, and there you came. You, that had my lost stars all along, the lost stars that were made to light up my galaxy.
And as the sound of rain came to a stop, a smile etched on my face. The sun rose up once more as the warmth of the day coated us. And as your soft lips formed a crescent smile, it was then that I knew..
It was a start of a new dawn.
——♡——
Been through a one-sided love with a bestfriend. I wrote this the day I realized I should let go of my feelings and never once again, hope for him to reciprocate these feelings back.
