A Lost World

°.• Chapter I •.°

She was space bound.
With a head full of stars
And a heart
Like a battleground
With eyes that slowed galaxies
And a smile that the
Stars called bittersweet.
She was just a space bound soul
Looking for the whole Universe
In two eyes and a heartbeat.

The sky is so tragically beautiful,
A graveyard of stars.
We are all made up of stardust,
And I sincerely hope my dearest mother
Makes it home safely,
To where she was born.
I promise to fulfil her wish
For her ashes to be scattered
In the depths of space,
At home with her ancestors,
The stars.

But the most important part is,
Even if we're apart...
I'll always be with you.

Tears stream down my cheeks. I hastily wipe them away with my dress sleeve. To not act strong and keep a brave face would cause a stir in the crowd, listening to me speak.
"Thank you." My shaky voice discloses as I hurry off of the raised platform and back to my seat.
I slouch in my chair and try to keep a dauntless face despite the reddening of my patchy cheeks.
A hand touches my shoulder and I turn to my dad who gives me a reassuring nod. I smile in return.
"It's okay." He quietly uttered with his own eyes red and his face patchy too, "You're allowed to cry."
I nodded and turned back to face the platform, continuing to hold back tears.

Dad rises from his seat and walks up to the front.
"Thank you everyone. We are very grateful to have such wonderful people here to celebrate the incredible life Michelle lived. May she rest in peace." A moment of sorrow silence filled the room. I notice a single tear roll down his red cheeks. I make eye contact with him and smile. "If you are staying for a while longer there is a buffet and refreshments through the door on the right. Thank you again for coming this afternoon, we massively appreciate it." As he steps down from the platform the room erupts with a rumble of chairs and chatter between the guests.

After waiting until everyone has left the room, I run up to dad and tightly wrap my arms around him, sobbing onto the cheap blazer he's wearing - underneath is a plain white shirt, see-through enough that it appears dark brown like his skin - he acts slightly startled at first, but quickly jumps to wrap his arms around me just as tight. His hugs are amazing, however not as great as my mother's: her hugs could cure depression they're that incredible! If only they could cure cancer. Then she could've hugged herself, until she was cured. But that just isn't how it works.
"It's all their fault!" I just manage to express through my tears and shaky voice.
"Who's fault Lia?" He pulls away with a concerned expression on his face. "Are you talking about the nurses?"
I take a step back.
"They didn't save her. It didn't work! They sat there and let her die!" More salty tears roll down my puffy cheeks.
"Lia... it wasn't their fault. They tried everything. There was nothing else they could do but pray." He's trying his hardest to convince me but all I can think about is the shaky, yet calm, manner in which he is speaking.
"How are you calm right now? Are you not feeling anything? Does all of this mean anything to you?!" I raise my voice as my anger refuses to be contained. "She was your wife! Does that mean nothing to you?"
I realise that his hands are shaking as he hides them inside his baggy sleeves. I look him in the eye; his skin is puffy and his grey eyes are filling up with tears. Guilt overwhelms me and I loosen my fists - realising everything I've just said.
"I.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I shake my head in sorrow.
Tears are rapidly rolling down his dark tan cheeks. Dad has never shown this much emotion as long as I've been alive: always tried to keep a brave face for my mother and to encourage fearlessness. Mum always said that emotions are important and that she wouldn't care if we broke down. Dad always refused to be seen as anything but happy and strong in front of us - the most optimistic person I know. So to see my father like this, even in such a situation, is surprising.
"Is there anything else going on Dad? I've never seen you like this before. Even after Grandma died."
"It's just that..." he took a deep sigh, "I spent all of our family savings and borrowed thousands of pounds from the bank to pay for the procedures. Only... they didn't work. And now I'm in loads of dept." We never had very much money, Mum dreamed of saving up enough money to buy a beautiful and surprisingly large cottage in the countryside she's wanted since she was a child. Dad and her refused to let me work until I left school, even when they were really struggling for money. Instead they both worked 14 hours a day. They almost did it: £8,500 left until they could afford to buy it. The expression on his face is apologetic. He looks exhausted; I've never seen him in such a wreck, not even Mum has.
"Oh... Dad... it's going to be okay. I can get a part-time job to help pay off the depts."
"No Lia I can handle it. I don't want you to spend your last year of high school working all the time."
"Dad. You can't do this on your own! I'm getting a job." I insist.
"Lia... "
"Dad stop it. I'll look for some jobs at the end of this week."
"It's... it's worse than it seems."
"What do you mean?"
"We don't have enough money to stay in our house.."
"What? But... but it's... it's our home" It isn't big at all. It's a very small, two bedroom town house. Mum and Dad wanted a second child but they just couldn't afford it, never mind me. "It was passed down from your great, great grandmother! We can't just... move!"
"Lia we have no other choice, we just can't afford it."
I stand there stunned. "Where will we go?" I ask, my eyes filling with tears.
"I've been looking at apartments and I found one a few towns away. It's small but liveable."
"What about school? I won't have to move will I?"
"No you can stay but you'll have to walk to the train station and take the train to and from school." We currently live two blocks away from my school so we're very local. "It'll be  a big change to get used to but we'll have to cope until we've got enough money to sort ourselves out."
"Okay, when are we moving?"
"In a month so we'll be in before Christmas."
"Okay." I sigh.
"Everyone's next door we should probably go say hello to everyone."
I give him one last hug before turning to walk away.